The other day, I posted suggestions to improve sports. I got many visitors to my blog. But today, hardly anyone came by. I can only conclude that people generally disliked my last post and wanted to stay away after that. Since my sense of self-worth is generated entirely by how many hits my blog statistics show, I need to squeeze some sort amazing and irresistibly compelling post out of my brain tonight. Either that, or I need to go to a friend’s house & visit my blog over and over again from their computer so that when I come home I will be happy to see my blog graph heading up again.
Since I don’t have any friends, I opt for the first strategy: squeezing my brain until I force some interesting thoughts to pop out.
Here goes…. must… squeeze… harder…… Ahhhhh! I’ve got it! Poetry. There really hasn’t been any on my blog. When I taught 2nd graders, I forced them to write poetry on the spot. It seems only fitting that I should force myself to do the same. I will now compose some poems in various styles. Please send all awards and publishing offers to me care of the comments section.
Limerick
There was once a man with a dog
Who spent all his spare time on his blog
The dog wanting attention
said, “I just thought I’d mention
If you don’t pet me I’m moving to Prague”
OK, I admit that one was anticlimactic. Here are some alternative last lines for the dog:
1. “I think I’ll go eat your pet frog.”
2. “I’d rather be owned by a log.”
3. “I think I’ll go jump in the bog.”
Haiku
My blog statistics
Do not tell the whole story
Of how you love me
Acrostic
Daylight
Always
Interferes
Sunlight
Yearns for
Blackness
Right now
Anyone reading this
Is a
Noob
OK, that was horrible. I apologize. I will try again:
Dance
And
Inspire
Silliness
Your
Blogger
Recommends
Always
Improvising.
Noob
OK, I’m way too influenced by my 12 year old son who is constantly calling his online multiplayer gaming friends “noobs.” Again, I apologize.
Cinquain
Daisybrain
Personal blog
Easy to ignore
Desperate for your attention
Odd
And, for the finale,
Clerihew
Barack Obama
Does not fear drama
When Republican wring their hands
He simple agrees to all their demands
—
Waning Poetic: a poem (at the bottom of the post) on the newly old
This is my 2007 thesis for Lesley University's Masters of Education in Curriculum Design, focusing in Conflict Resolution and Peaceable Schools:
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o silly man, we read it all.
Should I be suspicious that so far the only 2 comments to this posts come from someone named “Mike” and someone named “Vivian”?
I love your haiku!!
Humor and poets
Are often separated
By thousands of miles
Blog commentators
Leave their comments in haiku
For greater impact
Gosh, you self-centered daisybrain! You’re almost as bad as me
Loved your improvements to sports, btw (since you seem to be in dire need of reassurance).
Are you a tennis player? I forwarded that post to a friend, and he deduced that you must be a tennis player as you had no suggestion to improve that perfect sport
~Madhu.
That’s funny – nothing came to mind for tennis, but no I’m not a tennis player. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with the sport itself, although it tends to foster some obnoxious personality traits in its superstars. But I guess we don’t want our celebrities to be boring.
Sad, lonely old cranks
Living in their parent’s home
Often write obnoxious poems
For the sake of clarity, my last awful poem, was intended to be self-deprecating.
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If I had a dollar for each time I came here.. Superb read.
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