Click on the waves to be washed away to another Daisybrain post:
1. If you’re a Black woman in an otherwise White movie, you are: a sassy medical receptionist; a bland judge (if there are no other Black people in the movie) or a Loyal Black Friend (LBF). Good news though, female LBFs are no longer required to die, especially in romantic comedies.
2. If you find yourself in a horror movie and you have an accent that’s not North American, the good news is that you have special ethnic clairvoyance and can warn the impetuous White kids not to go where they will inevitably be killed. The bad news is that your mysterious knowledge won’t save you. Your best bet is to warn the kids & promptly leave town.
3. If you randomly come across a gun in a drawer, you will end up killing someone with it. You may as well turn yourself in to the police now.
4-7. If you punch a bad guy in the face and do not face any sort of legal repercussions, you are in a movie or a TV show, and are free to slap your boyfriend, question a suspect without reading them their Miranda rights, and, if running from danger in a city, you may barge in through the window of an apartment building (5th floor or above), past a family eating dinner, and out through their front door.
8. If your arm has been cut off but fails to bleed, you are in a Star Wars movie. Be careful hanging out with your father or son.
9. If there’s someone clinging to the roof of your car, you are in a movie. Shooting through the roof is useless, as the bullets will always miss. Your best bet is to crash the car before s/he smashes the window with their fist and pulls you out of the car.
10. If you are impervious to gunfire while doing a summersault, you are in a movie. Keep doing summersaults until you are out of bullet range.
Clicking the following daisy is recommended.
I hate introductory paragraphs, so let’s get right to the list.
Legendary. This moniker applies to every famous defunct band, dead entertainer or artist. I think people mean “iconic” when they say “legendary.” In any case, Let’s make a rule: From now on, someone has to be remembered 700 years after their death for them to be considered “Legendary.”
Queen of/King of/Prince of/Duchess of…. Any time an old musician dies, it turns out that they were royalty of some kind. That, or they were the Father of/Mother of/Grandfather of…. whatever it was they did. How about letting a great, pioneering musician be just that, instead of straining ourselves to come up with an available title for them.
Hero.This one erupted into the post 9/11 media scene like an over-turned taffy truck; no one wants that much taffy. Now everyone in an American uniform is automatically a “hero.” Let’s be clear: The only heroes are firefighters because they save people without killing people.
Literally This horribly mis-used word never dies… literally.
Leverage. As they say in comics, “Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!” Every time I hear an expert on the radio/TV/Podcast/Whatever-it-is-people-listen-to-now, they’re always talking about “leveraging” everything to achieve some goal. “We need to leverage the park benches to encourage sitting….” Before my brain explodes, please only use the word “leverage” if you are talking about Archimedes or working to free a man from a large rock using only a stick.
Click on this Bernie-head to go to another post:
All alone as he was abandoned
Left to repair his walls as he was down and low,
He was lost not knowing the direction he was heading,
Alone and left to wander around the world all by himself
Given up and left uncared struggling on his own
Had to carry his burdens on his own as pain and suffering surrounded his soul
Had no hope as nothing in the world mattered anymore
I’ve been eating a lot recently to evade fear and anxiety.
I feel rather uncomfortable in my body as a result.
Other than that, it’s a great solution.
As for my large belly, I tried sucking out the extra food through my navel with a vacuum cleaner, but nothing emerged.
I just need to build a second mouth, next to my first mouth and eat through it.
The food will go unharmed down a tube and be repackaged for other over-eaters.
You can tell that a blog has passed its prime when it resorts to reviews. Unless, of course, it self-consciously and deprecatingly refers to its being passed its prime, in which case it is so brilliant as to be in a category all its own: “Sarcastically Over-Compensatingly Laziness-As-Genius,” or SOCLAG.
Luckily, none of that applies to this blog post, which is simply a review of some shows I’ve been watching online.
Synopsis: An allegedly blind guy has inexplicable super powers, beats up bad people and doesn’t shave.
Pros: Acceptable acting, impressive fights scenes, and the patience to wait an entire season before acquiring a superhero costume.
Cons: Very few female characters; they over-did his super-sensing powers so much that his blindness is just a cover – he needs a weakness.
Best line: “Where’s this asshole’s hand?”