Funny Things Kids Have Said

These are actual quotes from kids, from kindergarten to 2nd grade, in classes that I’ve taught. I invite you to share your own kid quotes.

“when my great great great great great grandfather was alive… before there were kids in the world”

“You have a para (educator) because you can’t say ‘no’.”

“Zach put yarn up his nose!”

“The statue of delivery”

“Nobody likes me anymore, just because I’m stupid.”

“Are you a regular person, or Jewish?”


“My life is over. My life has always been over. I just never realized it.”

“Tristan called me a sicko just because I ate lipstick!”

“I’m going to call your wife and tell her I’m your daughter from your other family.”

Behind this flower lie some suggestions to make the world a better place:


6 Responses to Funny Things Kids Have Said

  1. Joe Nickell says:

    Some choice bits from son Jules (psst me if you wanna see his blog where these and videos are kept….it’s an invite-only blog….):

    “Mommy! Look at me! I had a krispie in my nose and I boogered it out and I ate it!”


    Dad and Jules, playing in the side yard. Jules, who has spent part of the afternoon removing dog poop from the yard with Nana, spots a small pile o’ poo. “Daddy, daddy!” he cries excitedly. “Poo poo, daddy! Poo poo!”

    “That’s right, son,” says Dad.

    “Poo poo, daddy! Poo poo!”

    “Yes, Jules,” says Dad. “Poo poo.”

    “There’s poo poo, daddy!”

    And so on for a couple of minutes. Finally, in an effort to move the needle forward on the skipping record, dad asks, “Jules, do you know where that poo poo came from?”

    Jules thinks for a long moment before replying excitedly:



    Driving back from picking huckleberries, Jules in his car seat, dad blaring music as he drives, Nana and DaLynn talking. Jules begins singing softly. Nana begins to listen.

    “DaLynn,” Nana says softly, “can you tell what he’s singing?”

    Dad turns down the volume on the stereo. Jules begins singing even softer.

    “Julian,” says his mama, “can you sing louder?”

    “Louder, louder,” Julian sings merrily.


    Dad and Jules in the front yard. Julian, naked, announces, “I’m going to go pee pee, daddy!”

    Dad, under the belief that planned and focused micturation must surely be an important step in potty-training, replies, “Ok, pick out one blade of grass and pee pee on it.”

    Jules begins scanning the yard slowly, walking along until he finds the perfect blade of grass — which he plucks from the ground, holds up right in front of his “heehee,” and pees upon.


  2. ericesad says:

    ROTFLOL – I’ve been waiting to use that abbreviation, which I learned from my 11 year old. They probably aren’t called abbreviations – I’m such a noob!

    I’d love to see the videos of your family Jules.


  3. DavidG says:

    We (family) were driving to the airport at 4:00 a.m. to catch a pre-dawn winter flight. Everyone was tired and bleary and cold, yet only Son #1 was whining and griping.

    Me (exasperated): “Every one of us in this car went to bed late and got up at 3 o’clock. Every one of us is tired and sleepy and would rather be home in bed. Yet you are the only one whining and complaining. Why is that?”

    Him (morosely): “I’m the voice of the people.”


    I walked into Son #2’s bedroom to wake him up one morning. I whispered his name and said good morning. Nothing. I repeated it a few times and finally, without opening his eyes or stirring in the slightest, he said “shhhh.” I said, “It’s time to get up.” He said, “shhhh.” I said “hey, it’s time to get . . . .” He said “shhhh” and lifted his hand toward me, palm first, in the universal signal for cutting someone off in mid-sentence, his eyes still closed.
    Me: “What’s the matter?”
    Him (eyes still closed, hand still up, whispering, barely audible): “Shhh. Please, please just don’t say anything.”
    Me (after a pause): “What’s going on?”
    Him: “There’s a vending machine in my dream.”


    Son #1 and I were at the Waffle House in Bloomington when he was around 2 years old. In the midst of breakfast he looks around the place and asks: “Why don’t they call it the Waffle Restaurant?”


    Son #2 (speaking about his grandparents when they were nearing their 90s): “Who do think would win in a race between Grandma and Grandpa?”


  4. varsha says:

    Hi Eric,
    I read this one earlier but didnt leave a comment! I absolutely loved this post. Children are so sweet and we can never forget some statements and remarks made by them. Good that you are keeping a record of them:)


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