The other day, I posted suggestions to improve sports. I got many visitors to my blog. But today, hardly anyone came by. I can only conclude that people generally disliked my last post and wanted to stay away after that. Since my sense of self-worth is generated entirely by how many hits my blog statistics show, I need to squeeze some sort amazing and irresistibly compelling post out of my brain tonight. Either that, or I need to go to a friend’s house & visit my blog over and over again from their computer so that when I come home I will be happy to see my blog graph heading up again.
Since I don’t have any friends, I opt for the first strategy: squeezing my brain until I force some interesting thoughts to pop out.
Here goes…. must… squeeze… harder…… Ahhhhh! I’ve got it! Poetry. There really hasn’t been any on my blog. When I taught 2nd graders, I forced them to write poetry on the spot. It seems only fitting that I should force myself to do the same. I will now compose some poems in various styles. Please send all awards and publishing offers to me care of the comments section.
There was once a man with a dog
Who spent all his spare time on his blog
The dog wanting attention
said, “I just thought I’d mention
If you don’t pet me I’m moving to Prague”
OK, I admit that one was anticlimactic. Here are some alternative last lines for the dog:
1. “I think I’ll go eat your pet frog.”
2. “I’d rather be owned by a log.”
3. “I think I’ll go jump in the bog.”
My blog statistics
Do not tell the whole story
Of how you love me
Anyone reading this
OK, that was horrible. I apologize. I will try again:
OK, I’m way too influenced by my 12 year old son who is constantly calling his online multiplayer gaming friends “noobs.” Again, I apologize.
Easy to ignore
Desperate for your attention
And, for the finale,
Does not fear drama
When Republican wring their hands
He simple agrees to all their demands
Instructions: click this daisy, go to the bottom of the post that appears and you will find a poem on the newly old…