Good Mourning, America!

I have discovered that with a few minor changes in spelling or word choice, phrases and expressions I’ve heard my whole life can be made more truthful. Here are some examples:

Ronald Reagan’s optimistic pining to return to mythological better times was packaged with the slogan, “It’s morning in America again.” The election of Reagan also marked the end to the short-lived era of post Watergate reforms that were meant to curb the growing anti-democratic authoritarianism of the executive branch of governement. I think the slogan would have been more accurately written, “It’s mourning in America again.”

In the 1980 Republican primary, George Bush, Sr. described Reagan’s fiscal policies as, “voodoo economics.” So similar were Bush’s policies that when Bush ran for president in 1988, the Democrats should have described his fiscal policies as, “deja voodoo economics.”

Newt Gingrich led a Republican take-over of Congress in 1994 under the banner, “Contract With America.” With Contract provision that included restrictions on a consumer’s right to sue manufacturers for faulty products, a reduction of the US commitment to the United Nations, a draconian cut in public assistance to the poor, the elimination of additional benefits per child for people receiving public assistance but a $500 tax benefit for each child of wealthy families, and an increase in both incarceration and application of the death penalty, I believe the phrase would have been more accurately described as “Contract On America.”*

When Bill Clinton famously declared, “I did not have sex with that woman,” in reference to the Monica Lewinsky affair, perhaps he was telling the truth but was quoted inaccurately. He may have said, “I did knot halve sects with that. Whoa, man.” This is possible if he was referring to a rope he had used during a brief stint in some religious sailing sects that made half-knots.

When candidate Barack Obama declared this to be, “our time for change,” maybe he actually said, “hour time for change.” That would explain a lot.

The Republicans keep calling President Obama a “socialist,” even though his policies are demonstrably pro-capitalist and largely moderately conservative. This makes no sense, unless I have misheard them, and they are actually referring to his “social list.” He does after all keep a very busy social schedule.

And finally, what is with everyone using the same female intern, or “internette” all the time? I don’t know how she does it – my mother in Indiana and my blog readers in India are all now relying on her to communicate long distance. Whatever her name is, the internette is truly amazing.

*To take a contract out on someone is an expression that means to arrange for the professional killing of that person.

For more political wordplay, click this daisy: dasy

For more fun with alternate spellings, click this daisy: dasy

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2 Responses to Good Mourning, America!

  1. Alice Wolfson says:

    I think I am pretty good with words, but Eric, you’ve left me in the dust. This post is great and what you said describes things to perfection.

    Like

  2. […] Good Mourning, America! […]

    Like

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