Latest Scam Email Correspondence

I am often in need of procrastination, so I reply to the African scam email offers I receive. Perhaps this is why I now get about 2 per day. It is a lot of work to think up absurd responses, so I only choose a few per week to answer. Today, I got an answer back from one of them – a man with exactly nine (now just six) days to live whom God has told to transfer his millions of US dollars to a random foreigner’s bank account. As soon as I give him all of my bank account information, he can die a happy man.

Here for you own procrastination are some of the latest email scam letters I’ve received and my responses, including my ongoing conversation with the man with six days to live. I hope to drag that one on for weeks, because  it is my mission to help the dying to keep living on the hope that they can steal money from strangers such as myself.

So here you go:

They wrote:

MY  DEAR  SIR/MADAM,

I  CEASE THIS  OPPORTUNITY AT THIS MOST PAINFUL MOMENT OF MY LIFE  IN A MIXED FEELINGS OF TEARS OF JOY AND PAINS. AM BRO.DANIEL ODOGWU,A COCOA FARMER BASED IN TOGO.I AM CHAIRING A NON SUCCESSFUL NON GOVERNMENTAL ORGANIZATION  FOR THE FIGHT AGAINST THE MOST PAINFUL PLAGUE TO HUMAN RACE AIDS.I HAVE BEEN A PATIENT NOW FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS AND DOCTORS  TOLD ME THAT I WILL DIE IN 9 MORE DAYS TIME FROM TODAY. I HAVE INVESTED OVER LOCAL CURRENCY EQUIVALENT OF $3.8M USD IN THE FIGHT AGAINST THIS DECEASE. UNFORTUNATELY ALL THIS FUND SO HAVE BEEN WIDELY MISUSED BY VARIOUS COMMITTEES ENTRUSTED WITH THIS FUNDS.

NOW SINCE I HAVE LOST MY ONLY SON AND MY SWEET HEART(WIFE) TO THIS SAME ILLMENT I HAVE DECIDED TO USE ALL AT MY DISPOSAL  TO FIGHT IT.TO THIS EFFECT I HAVE EARN-MAPPED OUT THE WHOLE FUND IN MY BUSINESS ACCOUNT WITH ECOBANK INTERNATIONAL LOME TOGO IN ACCOUNT NUMBER eco4934109.Valued with interest at $9.3M,TO THIS FIGHT.

SINCE THE FORMER FUNDS WERE MISMANAGED  BY PEOPLE  AROUND ME HERE, I PRAYED AND FASTED WITH THE HELP OF SOME OF THE PASTORS IN OUR CHURCH HERE OVER THE CASE AND THERE WAS A REVELATION AND INSTRUCTION THAT I SHOULD GO  INTO AN UNKNOWN LAND AND MAKE SOMEONE THE PILLAR OF THIS MISSION. THEN IN ORDER TO GET A TRUSTED A FELLOW I WENT INTO ANOTHER ROUND OF PRAYERS IN WHICH I WAS ASKED TO GO TO THE NET AND SELECT THREE ADDRESSES PRAY OVER THEM AND ENTRUST THE FUND TO  THE ONE I WILL BE DIRECTED  TO. SO I DID  AND I AM HERE REQUESTING FOR THE FOLLOWINGS FOR A SPEEDY RELATIONSHIP BEFORE MY DEATH.

1.EXERMINE YOUR SELF THAT YOU WILL NOT SELL THIS TRUST.
2.SPEND ONLY 10% OF THE FUND FOR YOUR PRIVATE USE ONLY.
3.PRAY ALL NIGHT OVER IT.

AFTER ALL THIS I WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO THE SECURITY & DEPOSIT FINANCE COMPANY WHERE I HAVE ALREADY DEPOSITED ALL MY FUNDS IN A TRUNK-BOX AS A FAMILY TREASURE FOR SECURITY REASON AND ALSO TO MY LAWYER SO AS THE FUND WILL BE ENTRUSTED TO YOU AS MY NEXT OF KIN FOR THE CHAMPIONING OF THIS COURSE. NOTE: THE SECURITY COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW THE REAL CONTENT OF MY TRUNK-BOX BECAUSE IT WAS DEPOSITED AS MY FAMILY TREASURE, NOT MONEY FOR SECURITY REASONS.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU TOUCH THE LIFE OF OTHERS AMEN.

BRO.DANIEL ODOGWU.

I replied:

DEAR BRO,

I’M SORRY I DIDN’T CHECK MY EMAIL FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS – ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? IF NOT, PLEASE DISREGARD THIS REPLY.

I TOO CEASE THIS OPPORTUNITY, WHATEVER THAT MEANS. I WILL PRAY ALL OVER THE NIGHT. I AM NOT SURE WHAT IT MEANS TO  “EXERMINE” MYSELF – WILL THIS BE PAINFUL?

I AM READY FOR YOUR MILLIONS. I NEED TO RUN A FEW ERRANDS FIRST, THOUGH. I WILL CONTACT YOU IN 10 DAYS. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! MANY PEOPLE WITH YOUR ILMENT LIVE FOR NUMEROUS MORE DAYS. IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: I HAVE NEVER BEFORE HEARD OF A DOCTOR BEING SO SPECIFIC AS TO TELL A PATIENT THAT THEY HAVE EXACTLY 9 DAYS TO LIVE. YOU MUST HAVE ONE REALLY TERRIFIC DOCTOR! EITHER THAT OR HE OR SHE IS PLANNING TO KILL YOU ON 9 DAYS – QUICK! GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY!

LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU, MAYBE SPENDING AN AFTERNOON TOGETHER WITH YOU AT A CAFE, BEFORE YOU DIE.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU TOUCH OTHER MEN.

MR. SWANZEE IMPLERODD.
and they wrote back:
Dear Eric Indiana,

I thank you for your prompt reply to my mail and also thank you for the word of your encouragement.Truely, i am aware of the dubious character of some doctors. But i thank God that he does not know anything about my wealth and that is why God revealed to me that i should entrust my wealth into the hands of a forigner.My dear please try to be remebering me in your prayer for God to extend my days to see my dream actulised.As time is not our friend, i will like to give you the contact of the bank to enable you to get intouch with them, let them know that you are the next of kin and the rightfull beneficiary to the fund which your partner Mr. Daniel Odogwu deposited in their bank(ECOBANK). That they should tell you how the funds can be transfered into your account in your country for the projects as directed by your partner Daniel Odogwu. Their contact is :

ecbkwebnet@hotmail.com

contact person, Mr. Akpaka Opital.

Please do that immediately and don’t forget to be forwarding to me any messge you recieve from them so that i will be teling you the right thing to do to avoid mistakes. My dear, why i said that you should examine yourself is that is should check yourself well and know how you should handle this funds when it will be finally transfered into your account. Not when you confirm the funds into your account now, you will sit on it and forget the projects or to invest it as God directed. Please i want you to assure me the safety of this funds and reminding you that you will benefits most from this transaction. This will last only but 7 working days depending on how fast you are. May God bless you.

Yours brother in christ,

Daniel Odogwu.

So I wrote to Contact Person Akpaka Opital:

My Dear Contact person, Mr. Akpakaka Opitalaka,

I have been in correspondence with a Daniel Odogwu. He is suffering from AIDS and has exactly 4 days to live.He would like to transfer his wealth of 9.3 millions of dollars into my US bank account so that, well, I’m not sure why. But who cares? He wants me to spend only 10% of it, but I am planning to have a gigantic party and blow all of it in one night. The party will be on a fleet of yachts, and I will hire exotic dancers to pilot the boats. I will also have naked little boys acting as furniture. They  will have to be very still because there are waves on an ocean and I don’t want the drinks to spill. Have you ever tried to balance a drink on the back of a small child who is posing as a table? It isn’t easy. These will have to be very special, talented little children. I will pay them in candy.

I am inviting you, Mr. Akparaka Optikaka, as my honored guest to my giant 9.3 millions of dollars party. It will be fun, fun, fun. You can bring the cheese cake and jello. No girls allowed! (Except of course the exotic dancers, who will be strictly acting as boat crew.)

Please do not tell Mr. Dogpoo of my my plans. He will be dead soon anyway. Why trouble his diseased mind with news that I will be wasting all of his money on an enormous party?

Please send me all of the information to get my hands on this poor fellow’s money. I will give you the customary kickback, of course, but I need most of the money for the party. Also please be on the lookout for other people’s money that I can have. Anyone dying of AIDS who is very rich would be a good place to start looking.

Thank you and God Bless your things and such,

Swanzee Implerodd (dba Eric Indiana)

Meanwhile:

Dear sir,

I am Hon.Nana yeboah, I am a former member of parliament and the name of my country is Ghana and my intention to invest the sum of US$3M (Three million U.S. Dollars) in a foreign country, being money that is in my possession .

I  need someadvised on how to invest this fund, am looking for a reliable and trust-worthy investor who can receive, invest and manage the money very well for me.

I am asking, for you to help to invest and manage the money properly in your country, my areas of investment interest includes but not limited to real estate and hotels . Should you be interested, please furnish me with your

(1)your identification (passport) by scanning.

(2)your contact address.

(3)your private phone number.

for more clarification, so that I can furnish you with more
information for your immediate perusal. If you have any questions,
feel free to contact me

Best Regards,

Hon,Nana yeboah

To which I replied:

Dear Hon,

I am Jinglebard Hornsninth, a former member of my Library’s book club and the name of my country is Love. I see you have a very serious need to send money overseas. I have good information for you. Moments ago, I received an email from BRO.DANIEL ODOGWU. He has a need of 9.3 million dollars to be transferred to a random US bank account. You two have such similar needs, that I think you should meet. Perhaps you could work together on this common African problem. But be quick! He is dying of AIDS and has only 9 days to live from the time he sent me his email 13 days ago.

You can reach Bro at dannyodogwu_2004@rocketmail.com

Good luck! Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Love,

Ergle Dinglesnorp (Representing Jinglebard Hornsninth)

Then I got this message from a “Lieutenat” in the army:

Hello,

I am Lieut.Dave Marvin from California. I’m a Lieutenat in the US Army, a West Point Graduate presently serving in the Military of the 1st Armored Division Peace keeping force in Baghdad, Iraq.

I’m 39yrs single father with a 13yrs old daughter, and I’m contacting you on behalf of my colleagues here in Baghdad, we are honestly seeking for your hands in this partnership to move this allocation valued at {$25million} into your custody for safekeeping.

This money was secretly secured in the war zone, if you check the news you will identify that this particular fund was not declared among the monies we found at the war zone. View for more details http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/ middle_east/2988455.stm

We are contacting you as an external body because of our status as American soldiers on war duty. Our activities are highly limited based on the U.S military code of conduct.

If you are seriously interested in this proposal, we have agreed to compensate you with 30% of the total $25Million for your partnership while you keep the balance 70% for us pending my arrival in your location any time this year as soon as I’m out of duty post for leave.

Please signify your interest by replying this message as soon as possible to this email address (dave.marvin0@yahoo.com) with your most confidential land phone/ mobile phone/ fax numbers/ your full official names/ address/ city/ country, to enable us send to you the basic conditions of this transaction in our next communication.

Yours Respectfully,

Lieut. Dave Marvin

Us Army

My patriotic duty required a response:

Hello Dave,

You were very smart to send this offer to steal money to random email addresses instead of entrusting it to someone you know. WIth me, you have hit the proverbial jackpot, because I have quite a bit of experience moving millions of dollars from foreigners into my back account. Mostly I help out the beautiful orphans of murdered African heads of states and people who’s business partners have made them have to steal millions and get it out of their countries quickly. Presently, I am engaged in the service of a man in Africa who is dying of AIDS and needs to give me his 9.3 million dollars.

As for your stolen Iraqi money, you have made a very reasonable offer. However, I am more inclined to accept a 60/40 split, with me taking the 60%. This is not because I don’t appreciate your brave men in uniform stuff, but I have a very expensive party on a fleet of yachts that I am putting together with the money from the AIDS dying man and my calculations show that I will be a few million dollars short of the money needed to import the small children needed to act as furniture.

But none of that matters to you, who are busy killing innocent Iraqis to steal their money for our glorious cause. God Bless your work, sir.

I am hereby signifying my interest by replying to your message as soon as possible. Hopefully, I have beat out all the other thousands of random people you sent this offer to. As you can see, I am a serious business partner with deep needs involving many illegalities in the service of our fatherland.

Before I send you any more information, Dave, I would like to know if you have seen my uncle, Mr. Talbot. He is also serving in Iraq. He is on a secret, undercover mission. If you have seen him, I will know I can trust you. Thank you and God bless your things.

Yours in the service of the honorable President (President and chief commander George W. Bush, not the new guy)

Tomtom Desperato

——–

That’s all for now. I’ll let you know how the plans develop for the gigantic yacht party. Remember, if you choose to procrastinate in this fashion, don’t send any real information. Good luck with your millions of new African dollars!

For more Daisybrain email scam correspondence:

African Email Scams

Excerpts of Email Scam Correspondence

More African Scam Emails

Help Leut.Marvin of Us Army!

Latest Scam Emails

Advertisements

5 Responses to Latest Scam Email Correspondence

  1. cyndi says:

    you’ve topped yourself! my coffee went flying everywhere

    Like

  2. Alice Wolfson says:

    I can’t believe you are toying with a man who has 9 days to live-where’s your humanity?

    I look forward to your continuing correspondence with these people who cnly care about giving you money.

    Like

  3. […] Latest Scam Email Correspondence […]

    Like

  4. Rod Collman says:

    Give it to em daisy they must go all colors when they get your reply
    Go get em Girl

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: