Help Leutenat Dave Marvin of Us Army!

I enjoy writing back to African email scam artists. Sometimes I picture them wasting their time trying to translate my letter and responding instead of pursuing a fresh victim. Sometimes I picture them even getting the joke and laughing. After all, criminals are allowed a sense of humor.

Thus, I have been having fun with “Leut.Dave Marvin,” who desperately needs my help in getting millions of stolen US Dollars out of Iraq. We have been writing back and forth for a few days now, and  I eagerly await his next email. I am going to reproduce our correspondence here in the hope that you might also be able to offer Dave some assistance. You can use the email address below to contact him, but these addresses tend to disappear quickly, so I would do it right away.

You can tell him whatever you like, but here are some suggestions:

  1. Tell him that word on the street says he has 25 million dollars he needs to move out of Iraq and that you can help him out by laundering the money. You can exchange it for prawns or monkey teeth and he can sell that to Norwegian fishermen at a great profit.
  2. Tell him that you know me, Tomtom Desperato, and that I am sure to rip him off and he should really be doing business with you.
  3. Give him the name and email address of a different Nigerian scam artist and tell him that this other fellow can help get his money out of Iraq and into a Nigerian bank.
  4. Ask him probing questions about poodles.

I now present the series of emails between myself, Tomtom Desperato (whom he insists on calling “Eric Indiana”) and Dave Martin, whom I have come to call “Shirley”. Read on….

Hello,

I am Lieut.Dave Marvin from California. I’m a Lieutenat in the US Army, a West Point Graduate presently serving in the Military of the 1st Armored Division Peace keeping force in Baghdad, Iraq.

I’m 39yrs single father with a 13yrs old daughter, and I’m contacting you on behalf of my colleagues here in Baghdad, we are honestly seeking for your hands in this partnership to move this allocation valued at {$25million} into your custody for safekeeping.

This money was secretly secured in the war zone, if you check the news you will identify that this particular fund was not declared among the monies we found at the war zone. View for more detail http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/ middle_east/2988455.stm

We are contacting you as an external body because of our status as American soldiers on war duty. Our activities are highly limited based on the U.S military code of conduct.

If you are seriously interested in this proposal, we have agreed to compensate you with 30% of the total $25Million for your partnership while you keep the balance 70% for us pending my arrival in your location any time this year as soon as I’m out of duty post for leave.

Please signify your interest by replying this message as soon as possible to this email address (dave.marvin0@yahoo.com) with your most confidential land phone/ mobile phone/ fax numbers/ your full official names/ address/ city/ country, to enable us send to you the basic conditions of this transaction in our next communication.

Yours Respectfully,

Lieut. Dave Marvin

Us Army

Hello Dave,

You were very smart to send this offer to steal money to random email addresses instead of entrusting it to someone you know. WIth me, you have hit the proverbial jackpot, because I have quite a bit of experience moving millions of dollars from foreigners into my back account. Mostly I help out the beautiful orphans of murdered African heads of states and people who’s business partners have made them have to steal millions and get it out of their countries quickly. Presently, I am engaged in the service of a man in Africa who is dying of AIDS and needs to give me his 9.3 million dollars.

As for your stolen Iraqi money, you have made a very reasonable offer. However, I am more inclined to accept a 60/40 split, with me taking the 60%. This is not because I don’t appreciate your brave men in uniform stuff, but I have a very expensive party on a fleet of yachts that I am putting together with the money from the AIDS dying man and my calculations show that I will be a few million dollars short of the money needed to import the small children needed to act as furniture.

But none of that matters to you, who are busy killing innocent Iraqis to steal their money for our glorious cause. God Bless your work, sir.

I am hereby signifying my interest by replying to your message as soon as possible. Hopefully, I have beat out all the other thousands of random people you sent this offer to. As you can see, I am a serious business partner with deep needs involving many illegalities in the service of our fatherland.

Before I send you any more information, Dave, I would like to know if you have seen my uncle, Mr. Talbot. He is also serving in Iraq. He is on a secret, undercover mission. If you have seen him, I will know I can trust you. Thank you and God bless your things.

Yours in the service of the honorable President (President and chief commander George W. Bush, not the new guy)

Tomtom Desperato

Dear Eric Indian,

I got your mail, please i don’t understand what you mean. I have this $25million US Dollars in the custody of myself and my colleauges. All we want is you to help us get this money out of this environment because we will make use of it once we are back from Iraq.

You said you can do it if you will be given 60% of the fund, please if you will take 50% of the money, we will continue with you because of the urgency involved in getting this money out of here and how important the money is to us because we will start a new life with the money once we are back from this war zone.

If you are willing to take 50% and you will not sit on the money when it is finally with you , please indicate your interest by sending to me your contact details:

confidential land phone/ mobile phone/ fax numbers/ your full official names/ address/ city/ country, to enable us send to you the basic conditions of this transaction in our next communication.

Yours Respedfully

Dave Marvin

Dear Dave Marv,

I grow confuse for your email. Your colleauioges and you have the money, right? In what form is it the money? Are they Iraqi shekels, or is this the dollars of US-ness? I will have difficulty if the money is in currency other than US dollars. As for the split, I think your offer is more to my pleasing eye. For the gratificashun of my ego, I ask for 51% but you may also keep 51% to be fair.

Do you have a third party bank official who can make this transaction safely? I would feel more comfortable with such a person of good will.

Also, Dave, please do not call me “Eric Indian.” For security purposes I use this email but my name is Tomtom Desperato. I am sure that you can understand this safety concern. I think it would be best if for the same security concerns I referred to you as “Shirley”.

Yours Repedpully,

Tomtom

Hello Eric,

I got your mail, but you have not said if you will help or not. We have no time left for us because we will be leaving Iraq soonest, this is why we want to get this money to your custody fast and first.

Your share of the money will be given to you as promised, the money is in US Dollars, you have to promise that you will do away with our own share of the money when it is in your custody.

Indicate you interest to help by sending to me the following details your most confidential land phone/ mobile phone/ fax numbers/ your full official names/ address/ city/ country, to enable us send to you the basic conditions of this transaction in our next communication.

Yours respectfully

Dave Marvin

Hello Shirley,

I would like to help, and my two conditions remain the same:

1. You receive 50% of the US Dollars, but I keep 51% in my custody. That way I am senior partner.

2. You give me word on my Uncle Mr. Talbot. I do not know why you have not told me anything about my uncle. It is the way that I can trust you. You are both in the armed forces fighting for oil and stolen Iraqi money, and that is good. But I have not heard from my Uncle Talbot, who is undercover in Special Operations. Just let me know how he is doing and I will know I can trust that you are sincere in your offer.

3. I will do away with your own share of the money, as you say in your email.

Also, I know a soldier in the US army who lives down the street from me. Well, I don’t know his name, but I can be friends with him I think. Should I tell him of our plans and count him in? He seems like a pretty nice fellow, he has a mustache.

Please write back soon with details, and say hello to my Uncle Talbot when you see him.

Your Irrespective,

Tomtom Desparato

Inside this daisy lies Further Relationship Building with African Email Scammers:

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8 Responses to Help Leutenat Dave Marvin of Us Army!

  1. […] Help Leut.Marvin of Us Army! […]

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  2. […] Help Leutenat Dave Marvin of Us Army! « Daisybrain […]

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  3. Alice Wolfson says:

    Once again, I’m rolling on the floor w/laughter over your sincere responses, complete with spelling errors and bad English. They must be going crazy trying to translate. They probably think they got a sucker, but little do they know. Keep these missives coming!

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  4. […] Help Leutenat Dave Marvin of Us Army! « Daisybrain […]

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  5. Johnnnny B. says:

    I myself applied as a Mystery Shopper, and to my surprise was mailed a blank “money order” for over $900.00, with the instuctions to cash it, shop at Wal-Mart, and then wire $300.00 to somebody in Missouri.
    Of course the money order was a counterfeit, and when the sender told me the FBI was coming after me for not wiring the money I responded thusly:
    Hello Mike:
    I would be delighted to talk to the FBI about the alleged money order sent to me that was identified as counterfeit by the United Postal Service.
    I welcome the opportunity to set the record straight.
    As I have already contacted law enforcement and Federal officials in charge of proscecuting crimes that occur over state lines, I propose that all of us agree to meet in person with the FBI.
    My cell is 812-340-017*.
    You already have my street address.
    If you’re telling the truth, provide me with your street address.
    I look forward to clearing up this matter.
    And that was the last I heard from “Mike”.
    Thank you,
    John Barge

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  6. Bryan says:

    Haha! I love your responses. I used to work for a relay service, and at one point we were receiving back to back online relay calls from Nigeria trying to use our free service to scam US businesses. Most of the time, the staff would never connect the calls (yes, big no-no, but we could tell the fakes from the real, live, need this service to communicate users) and just type back nonsense remarks to them to get their hopes up and screw with them for a while. Great time killer (because it’s not like we really wanted to take the next Nigerian scam call anyway).

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  7. […] Help Leutenat Dave Marvin of Us Army! […]

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