More Word Musings

Even if you give a crap, you can never leave a crap, you can only take a crap.

Why is hunting fish called “fishing,” when hunting deer isn’t called “deering,” and hunting humans isn’t called “humaning”?

If you go for a ride in a bike, you are biking, so why is it that if you go for a ride in a car, you aren’t caring?

It seems strange that public nudity is so shocking to most Americans, considering that the words United States can be rearranged to spell Nudist Estate (as well as Tastiest Nude). It’s common knowledge that Benjamin Franklin was a nudist. Perhaps the only reason the Founders chose our country’s name was that it also can be arranged to spell Neat Used Tits.

Pretend word origin of the day: The word farther, made up of fart and her, was shortened from the Meso-American “Fart at her,” which is how conflicts were resolved in that setting. Later, more sophisticated weapons were developed, such as swords (s-words), which were a shortened version of swear words. Farting and shouting turned out to be fairly inaccurate weapons which can stink up and/or embarrass members of one’s own group. That is why the nun-chuck was created. However, the nuns, especially those who were chucked at the enemy, complained bitterly, leading to the development of the catapult. Cats were chosen for this weapon because they do not generally complain. When it was discovered that cats, though great at flying through the air, were ineffectual weapons once they landed and ran off, the modern assault rifle, originally spelled a salt rifle, was used to spray the enemy with more salt than needed for optimum flavor. The hope was that high blood pressure would would become an annoying health concern for the enemy. This proved a slow method of combat, which is why modern warfare relies on slaughter. Of course, slaughter comes from s-laughter, which stands for slay by laughter. Thus, the expression, “You slay me,” which soldiers use to surrender when overwhelmed by the enemy’s jokes.

Click here for things that should be words, but aren’t.


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