Some Important Suggestions to Fix English & Time

Tuesday is well named because it sounds like “Twosday,” and it’s the 2nd day of the week. All the days should be numerically named:

Onesday, Twosday, Threesday, Foursday, Fivesday, Sixesday, and Sevensday

I speak as a former 2nd grade teacher and as a former child. It would make it much easier to learn. We should also rename the months:

Oneary, Twoary, Threeary, Fourary… all the way to twelveary.

(The suffix -ary means like or connected to.)

While we are on time, a day should contain some reasonable number of hours, like 10 – just make them longer – and an hour should contain 50 or 100 minutes. Same for seconds in a minute. The hardest thing in the world to teach 2nd graders is how to tell time. We should simplify it to fit nicely into our base 10 system.

Another possibility would be to have time & geometry work together; an hour would contain 360 minutes and a minute would be divided into 360 seconds. Either that, or an hour should have pi*r squared minutes.

We talk about birthdays, but speak of anniversaries of someone’s death. We should just say, “deathday.”

The word pornography comes from the Greek, porne (harlot) and graphos (writing) and literally means, “writing about harlots.” We should have other words specific to other types of pornography. Keeping with the Greek to help make the words sound clinical, porn about men should be andrography. Phonography would be audio pornography. Porno involving animals would be zoography, and so forth.

It’s about time we stopped saying, “the alarm went off,” when the alarm goes on, and “I took a poop,” when the evidence suggests that you left a poop.

“Wreckless driving” sounds like a good thing to me; we should say, “wrecky driving,” if it’s the type of driving likely to cause a wreck.

This one has bothered me since I first played that Battleship game in elementary school: “Near miss” should be “near hit.”

Please stop saying, “I could care less,” when you mean to say that you couldn’t care less. It’s confusing to those of us with literal minds.

The dictionary says that biweekly means both that something occurs twice per week and that something occurs once every other week. How can this be?

Well, that’s it for now. I hope that when these suggestions become implemented next week that you will come by this blog to thank me. Only, I am tired of receiving “hits” every time someone visits. It’s far too violent. From now on, visits will be counted as caresses. Ahhh, that feels better already.

For proof that time & space do not exist, click this daisy:



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