Not to Mention…

So Gay:

Here is one of my fantasy speeches to the student body of the middle school where I work:

“Mr. Benson has been very hurt by your use if the word ‘Christian’ as an insult. I hear you all the time, saying, ‘That class is so Christian, I hate it!’ and ‘Your back pack is totally Christian – it looks stupid.’ How do you think that makes Mr. Benson, who is a Christian, feel? Oh wait – you don’t use Christian as an insult, do you? That’s right, you use the words ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’ as insults. My mistake.”

Vote for the Sun:

It drives me crazy when I hear about Democrats who are disappointed with Barack Obama saying they are thinking of voting Republican this mid-term election. Let’s say you wanted sunshine, and your choices of candidates were the sun and a rain cloud. You voted for the sun, but ended up with partly cloudy skies. Do you then vote for the rain cloud? That makes no sense. And, please don’t stay home if you don’t want rain, since the people who want dark clouds and rain are planning to vote them in.

Not to Mention….

I hate it when people use the phrase “not to mention,” since inevitably, it is to mention. I hear it everywhere, from family, friends, radio hosts, politicians, eye doctors. They’ll say, “I went to the zoo and they had elephants, penguins, llamas and bears, not to mention pandas and rattlesnakes.”

From now on, please don’t say, “not to mention,” unless you really don’t mention anything after those words. I would be happy to hear, “The government released statistics on communicable diseases. It turns out that diphtheria and pneumonia are on the rise, not to mention.” I would be fine with that. Either that, or use a phrase that doesn’t negate what you are about to do, which is to mention something. You can say, “as well as,” or “in addition to,” not to mention.


4 Responses to Not to Mention…

  1. Kavana says:

    I like telling heterosexual couples to stop pouting their sordid lifestyles in public, it is quite offensive.


  2. Joe Nickell says:

    Alas, your speech doesn’t quite draw the correct parallel. Christianity is a choice; homosexuality isn’t. So it could backfire on you as a point. I would suggest employing “human,” except it would probably just draw bafflement. Or maybe “bipedal.” Yeah, that would confuse em! :^)


    • EricIndiana says:

      Well, I thought of that, but for 7th & 8th graders, I wanted them to think about attributes or identifiers and I didn’t want them to fall into the trap of saying, “He can’t help it that he’s gay,” since that would be like, “He can’t help that he has 2 heads, so you shouldn’t make fun of him.”


  3. Not to mention.

    It was actually pretty damn hard not to say anything after that.


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