Several days ago, I created a follow-up to my previous post, More Google Virgins!. Like the original post, it contained startling new revelations based on phrases that don’t appear in a Google search. The title of the post was, “Kraft Does Not Make Real Food.” This carefully researched statement was based on the fact that, according to Google, no one has ever posted the phrase, “Kraft makes real food” on line. Not even Kraft itself, one of the largest food manufacturers in the world, has ever claimed that its food is real.
I was about to add the finishing touch to my new post – a dire warning about the takeover of the Earth by mollusks (“Mollusks are not taking over the world,” doesn’t exist on line), when I discovered that my new post had mysteriously vanished. Now, some might say that I either never saved the draft of the post or that I was using a faulty computer that appeared to be clicking on “save draft” but was, in fact, doing nothing. I, however choose to believe that Kraft Foods has taken down my post. Come to think of it, they have probably taken down ALL anti-Kraft posts. You want evidence of this? None of the following phrases appear on line outside of this very post:
“I know the truth about Kraft”
“Stop Kraft from destroying the world”
“Not on only did Kraft control the mid-term elections, but it is also turning my own belly button against me.”
Now, I’m a reasonable gender-specified person, so I will concede the possibility that no one ever made these claims on line. But, the fact that the phrase, “Kraft has never done anything wrong” doesn’t appear on line leads me to believe they have something to hide. To be sure of this, I checked, and “Kraft has nothing to hide” also does not appear on line.
But, before you spend your brief life (I shall explain just how brief in a minute) trying to expose the truth about Kraft Foods, consider these other dangers:
The phrase, “The moon is not crashing to Earth,” does not appear on line. Apparently no scientist is willing to make that claim. No one has even typed, “The moon poses no danger,” or “The moon will not kill you.” Therefore it will.
So, how soon will the moon kill you, you may wonder? Well, I checked. The assertion, “All readers of the Daisybrain blog will not die in the next five minutes,” has never been made by anyone on line. Goodbye.
And now for something completely similar:
(touch the daisy)