Well, I just came across my missing blog post, entitled, “Why Doesn’t Kraft Make Any Real Food?” It turns out that I had been drafting the post in my Daisybrain Survey Questions Blog by mistake, so when I went to publish it, it did not appear anywhere in my Daisybrain blog drafts. Is that understandable? If not, please go ahead and blame Kraft Foods for making the post temporarily invisible. In any case, here are some of the important tidbits from that never-published post that will BLOW YOUR MIND! (Sorry, I just watched School of Rock again, and I’m easily influenced by movie dialogue.)
So, from the mysteriously missing and reappearing blog post, I present…
MORE TRUTH GLEANED FROM GOOGLE SEARCHES!
According to Google, the following phrases did not appear anywhere on line, until this very post you hold in your hands:
- “Kraft makes real food.” Not even Kraft, one of the biggest food companies on the planet, even thought to make this claim.
- “Bagpipes are pleasant.” ‘Nuff said.
- “Religions are not full of lies.” Darn – just when I was about to start believing.
- “The moon will not crash to Earth” – Oh my God! No one, not even any scientist, has ever claimed that the moon will not crash to Earth! I’ve just changed my mind – I am ready to believe in any religion that will protect us from the moon!
- But wait!!! “God will protect us from the moon” doesn’t exist on line, either!
- Will anyone protect us from the moon? No! Not according to Google, which reports that “Someone will protect us from the moon” does not exist either.
OK, that’s all I can reveal from the missing post. As you can see, some of it I remembered more or less correctly and rewrote for a subsequent post.
And now for something completely different.* We need some changes to our culture. I’m sure that’s true for whatever culture you find yourself in, but I am speaking especially about culture here in the United States. Here are a few suggestions:
Warning: This may offend some religious people, and diner owners
- Why is breakfast so boring? It’s been basically the same choices for a century now. Pancakes, waffles, omelets, scrambled eggs, breakfast burritos…. Somebody needs to come up with something new! Please post your inventions in the comments section of this post.
- Toilets. They’ve been pretty much the same for since flushing was figured out. Someone needs to come up with a new system to eliminate bodily trash. Please post your ideas below.
- God! Gods used to come & go, but for the last 5,000 years or so we’ve been worshipping versions of the same omnipotent being. Shouldn’t God have the right to retire? Elvis aside, we haven’t been very creative. We need a new, modern God (or gods), with more interesting super powers.
- Speaking of religion, I find it hilarious that every religion is so tenacious about being the true way to God’s favor. Just once, please, I’d like to see an entire religion give up & say, “Oops, we were wrong. Our religion isn’t the true one after all. We recommend you try another. All tithings will be refunded.”
Well, that’s all for now. Life has been interfering with the frequency of my posts, and the upcoming US holiday that celebrates a distorted & misleading version of history will probably not allow for much blog time. But, I plan to squeeze more goop out of my brain in the coming months and post it here for your dining pleasure. Until then, please don’t take anything I say too seriously since I will probably change my own mind about it before you have a chance to post a compelling and brilliant retort. Take care.
For more Virgin Googlisms, including a reason to fear mollusks, see this.