I think that life is the process of feeling more and more distant from people and alone until you die. I come to this conclusion by examining my friendships over the years. In high school and into my 20s, friends were friends. With no obligations or sense of responsibility, our only mission was to have creative fun together. Although we were flawed as human beings, I felt a sense of completion when hanging out and trying to do fun things. In my 30s, I had “friends,” but these relationships always felt superficial. I never felt a deep connection that I longed to have with people. Now in my 40s, at most I have, outside of my family, work acquaintances with whom I am friendly.
It doesn’t seem logistically possible to have a close friendship, even if I were developmentally capable. My daily routine, which consists of taking care of work and familial responsibilities, would not allow for it. And, I suspect that an unquestioning feeling of oneness with a friend is only possible when your adult brain has not yet fully developed.
For some, life is the process of feeling more and more distant and alone, not just from people, but from the world – less passionate about the world, more and more detached, until you snap off completely from life and die. The only thing that keeps me from generalizing this prognosis are the passionately connected older people I keep encountering – people who are still very much involved in trying to better the world. But for those people who stay connected to their passion, do they stay closely connected to people as well, or do they just have acquaintances with whom they work intimately on mutually satisfying projects? In other words, in the end, do all people feel alone?
Now, before you try to cheer me up in your comments, I should point out that I’m not depressed about any of this, I’m just unsatisfied with human relationships. And now, it seems fitting to end this post with a quote, so here it is:
“Friendship is a mutually agreed upon delusion to avoid the frightening loneliness of self.”
– Made up quote to end a Daisybrain blog post