A Passel of Google Virgins

Passel: a large group of people or things of indeterminate number

Google Virgins: phrases that do not yet appear anywhere on the world wide web, according to Google (sorry, vast majority of people who found this post by typing in the word “virgin”)

These three flowers will take you to previous posts in which I presented to the world phrases that apparently nobody had ever bothered to write online before:


Revisiting these posts, I now see that many of these former Google virginisms now appear online, at least on the Daisybrain posts themselves and on copies of my posts that dedicated fans have reposted, paying tribute to me by taking full credit for the posts themselves. I am proud to have as my legacy the fact that the phrases such as“Who has the best nostrils?” and “That’s my cheese, damnit!” are now and forever more preserved on the world wide web. I assume this has enriched your life. And that is why I bring you fresh Google virgin phrases here. Let the astonishing begin:

“Kitchens are not bathrooms”

“My doctor has a good sense of direction”

“I’m going to urinate into the toilet”

“I will put something other than urine into the toilet”

“Where should you put lotion?”

“I don’t think you should put lotion there”

“I think you should put lotion here”

“Why does no one online use lotion?”

“No one talks about lotion”

“No one writes about lotion”

“Why will no one talk about lotion?”

“What’s going on with lotion?”

“I can’t believe that phrase isn’t online”

“Eat organ jelly”

“The LA police are sane”

“People should not eat human brains”

“Bathrooms are not kitchens”

As soon as I hit the “Publish” button, there will finally be one page on the world wide web asserting that the LA police are sane. They can show their gratitude by not pepper spraying me.

… and this flower will take you to questions that have never been asked out loud in the history of everything:


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