Admittedly, I haven’t been actively Twittering, or Tweeting, or whatever, for long, but I seem to have reached a ceiling of 24 followers. And today I lost one, so I’m down to 23. Perhaps my tweets are too impersonal and snobbishly, self-aggrandizingly wordy, whatever I mean by that. I tried adding popular hashtags, like #ScottProuty and momentarily trending phrases, like “Veronica Mars Kickstarter,” without having the slightest idea of who these people are or why anyone is tweeting about them.
Because I have deep respect for my Daisybrain blog readers, I have decided to share some of my tweets with you & let you be the judge of why I am a failure at Twitter. Many tweets are taken from the Daisybrain blog as part of my not-so-secret plan to attract people to this blog. So here is a sample:
Tweets
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Why did the hipster burn his lips? He drank coffee before it was cool.
#hipster#badjoke#hipsterhumor#doubleentendre#follow#getit?#poop -
#atlanticecon – My spleen is not your play thing! Stay away from http://www.daisybrain.com ! -
Just dropped my chocolate in my hummus. Finally found something that doesn’t taste good with chocolate.
#culinary#foodcombos#chocolate -
We spend the first 2 years of a children’s lives telling them to stand up and speak & the next 20 years telling them to sit down and shut up
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Ha! I typed “tending” instead of “trending”. What would Percy Harvin think? What’s
#anza by the way? -
Daylight Savings Time is just like fashion – Just keep your clock the same and eventually everyone else will come back to your time
#time -
Turns out
#Valpo is a university with sports teams. I thought it was a dog food. -
#PaleyFest#childhoodconfessionnight#FollowMeSkip#ImAjanoskiansSlu#valpo … Twitter trends reminds me how out of touch I am w/US culture -
Isn’t the term “war crimes” redundant?
#words#philosophy#peace#nonviolence#questions -
A Legal Question: What if one conjoined twin is convicted of assaulting the other?
#lifemysteries#weirdthoughts#comedy#standup#pondering -
A pirate can turn a fiend into friend with just one little “Arrrrr.”
#piratejoke#pun#joke#humor#spleen -
A tired, retired tire was attired entirely in tie-dyed Thai ties.
#um#wordplay#alliteration#shortstory -
Here’s an oxymoron: Conservative Think Tank.
#liberalhumor#jokes#comedy -
For most of the kids I teach, adolescence is the process of changing your face from an oval to a triangle. 0→∇
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@robertirvine1 Idea for promo: R. Irvine transforms into the Hulk – cloths rip, turns green,”Irvine Smash!” Fix restaurant,then back 2 human -
@KatieGoodman ! Onward to passing the treaty on disabilities GOP thought would turn us into gay European pro-science same-sex socialists. -
Duct tape should come in flavors. Possibilities: Plumber’s Plum, Strawberry Sound Man, Tangerine Toilet, and Duct l’Orange.
#inventions -
Needed: De-AutoTuner – Filter you can apply to songs giving you the original voice of the alleged singer before it was mechanically altered
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Never before said outloud, in all of human history: “Should I remove my skin before eating dairy products?”
#original#daisybrain#tonsil -
When someone says, “Somewhat,” ask, “Somewhy?”
#strangeness#wordiness#wordplay#punny#funny#carlin#herringbone -
What Salma Hayek should have said:“I will speak very clearly so you can understand me Seth – How’s this: Fuck you.”
#Oscars2013#Macfarlane -
@editor_b I was cooking strained peas the other day, but they got out of control and I had to restrain them. -
The second guest was second guessed for getting the forgetting.He put information in formation and would be heading the beheading.
#nonsense -
#Oscars2013 Was “the 85th annual Academy Awards,” now “The Oscars,” next year: “Big Movie Awards,” then, “Thing Watch TV.” -
Even odder, so too do the next three: “Joseph Biden,” “Nancy Pelosi,” and “Selena Gomez.” (See previous vitally important tweet)
#tweet -
The last 3 Presidents, “Bill Clinton,” “George W. Bush,” & “Barack Obama” – each have 11 letters in their names.
#strange#coincidences#poo -
Termight: a noncommittal termite.
#dangerouspuns#punny#nonce#neology#wordz#wordplay#funwithenglish#newword#definitions#flerbitbippy -
“Carpet: a dog that likes to ride in a car” http://buff.ly/XaIBnl
#puns#punny#joke#funny#humor#comedy#carpet#oystercrackers -
Why is “monosyllabic” really polysyllabic?
#carlin#wordz#wordplay#english#humor#comedy#esophagus#followmeformorevitalquestions#poop -
No one has yet managed to rhyme the word “tomato” with “pancreas” http://buff.ly/WYoR6p
#pancreas#rhymes#falsehope#humor#oddities -
Terrifuning: When something is both terrifying and fun, like roller coasters, hail storms and hail storms on roller coasters.
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Why do some tweets have hashtag as their hashtag?
#hashtag What does this mean? Doesn’t it risk imploding the Twitter universe in on itself? -
2 hardest things: Finding someone to go to the gym with you & finding someone to go donate blood with you (not at the same time)
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Can’t find a gym partner. So I’ll just eat chocolate today.
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My new animal-fruit combination: Porcupineapple. Please draw a pic of one & tweet it back.
#weidness#funny#changeling -
Odd that NH, state w/motto “Live Free or Die” outlaws terminally ill from getting doctor’s help in ending life.
#deathwithdignity -
Transmission: A mission to change your gender. Transport: The airport where the transgender airline TransAir lands.
#trans#puns#transpuns -
Headline on http://cnn.com : Bras offer lifeline to rescued slaves
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Happy Homophone Awareness Day: “You’re in danger!” vs. “Urine danger!” Well, maybe you’re in danger because of urine danger, I don’t know.
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Chocolate, yes. But chocearly and chocoften.
#chocolate My current fav is Lulu’s raw, organic Fair Trade chocolates#heaven#theobromine -
RT if you are a better idiot than all the other idiots out there.
#idiot#idiotic#humor#asparagus -
@IncorrectHumor Thanks for following me. Here’s one for you: I had my wife arrested for pirating. That’ll teach her not to judge my pies. -
My cell phone was smarter than me, so I killed it.
#cellphones#jokes#comedy#parsnip -
Band Name Ideas: Bandingo; Poportunity; Sara Tonin and the Dopamines; Spock’s Ears.
#bandnames#random#procrastination#bands#spleen -
Just tweeting to see if
@esophagus goes anywhere. -
Why do people always mention whatever they precede with “not to mention”?
#questions#wordplay#humor#esophagus -
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#snowstorm#nemo All stocked up on provisions…. How much weight will America gain during the snow storm? -
Good news, everyone! It takes a while, but a watched pot boils.
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@EricIndiana I wonder what word I left out of that post that would have made it make sense? -
There are no tweets with
#daisybrain in them. Well, now there’s one. -
I had an uneven number of pictures on my twitter page. So here is a platypus. pic.twitter.com/bKYqWdlJ
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You know that culture has come to a standstill when people have been convinced that they are interested in
#superbowl commercials -
rt if you don’t give a flying monkey’s ass about the
#superbowl -
I’m ready to go on Oprah to admit doping in 1968.
Retweeted by Eric SpearsFeb 5
Eric Spears @EricIndiana
@SteveMartinToGo It’s too late to go on Oprah in 1968. Plus, her show then was just in her mom’s kitchen. -
@thinkprogress I believe in the right to bear arms. How else can the bears reach things? -
@ShmooReport I believe in a right to bare arms, especially if you have really good looking arms. -
#guncontrol We need guns to stop the government from taking our guns away, which we need in order to stop them from taking them away…. -
@EricIndiana maybe I should learn to add hash tags, like#georgetakei follows#BettyMWhite. -
George Takei follows Betty White on Twitter. Just thought I should say that.
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Redeem this tweet for $10,000
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Tumblr is down, so I’ll have to share my Santa-Elvis pic here on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/kAWQR9Q2
Eric Spears 
Steve Martin @ianchriste Just shopocalypsed for apocolicious discounts on all my fav apocolypsia incl. Mocha-Chocolypse and other apocryphilia.
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Since starting this post, I’ve somehow attracted one more Twitter follower, so we are back up to the magic number 24. My hope is that after I publish this post, readers will help my Twitter feed explode to over 25 followers.
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And here’s a flower portal for you:
This is my 2007 thesis for Lesley University's Masters of Education in Curriculum Design, focusing in Conflict Resolution and Peaceable Schools:
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