23 things anyone who is considering spending significant time with me should know.
- When I pass tardus-shaped objects, like porta-potties, I compulsively sing the Dr. Who theme song, even when I am alone in my car. If I pass a bank of 50 of them, I sing it 50 times, in fast-speed.
- I secretly recycle the paper that plastic straws come in.
- I rescue worms from the road.
- I capture and release fruit flies.
- After removing ticks, I release them into the wild.
- Whenever I spend any time in a room, I think about where I could hide if Nazis came for me.
- I like Hello Kitty.
- I do a daily yoga routine that includes spinning in a circle with my arms outstretched 21 times.
- I have no concept of time greater than 1 day.
- I day dream constantly.
- Without a GPS system, I will get lost in my own neighborhood.
- I sometimes walk funny in public to amuse myself.
- I have an uncanny ability to find four-leaf clovers. Sometimes I bring home 7 or 8 of them from a walk with my dog. I put them in water. Some have 5, 6 or more leaves. I make the same wish every time I find one – the same wish I’ve been making for the last 20 years. I would tell you, but I’m afraid I might jinx it.
- If it were up to me, no one would ever mow lawns; we would allow nature to do its thing.
- I sit when I pee. When I was an adolescent, I thought that I had to stand in order to be male. I have since allowed myself to sit and now our toilet areas stay very clean!
- I still fantasize about playing with the Ramones, even though most of them are dead.
- I eat chocolate all the time even though my body has an unspeakably bad reaction to it. I am eating it now.
- I used to be so obsessive-compusive that ordinary conversation was exhausting, as I had to run monologues in my head while simultaneously talking and avoiding using certain words. I mention this to let younger people know that there is hope for improvement. I used to spend hours every day in obsessive-compuve looped behavior. Reading is still stressful for me, since I feel compelled to re-read words over and over, but over all there’s been about a 70% subsidence in symptoms in the last 15 years.
- I believe that the monetary system should be abolished and everyone should work for free. There should be no wealth.
- I am opposed to all violence and competition, although I don’t live in strict accordance with these beliefs – I drive a car, which does violence to the Earth, and I feel competitive when I play games.
- I am vegetarian and I think that next lifetime, I will be a vegan Jainist.
- I hate the Haagen Dazs gelato commercials because they are based on Italian stereotypes.
- I hate gender roles.