In the future…
- Concrete will be transparent so that you can easily maneuver in a parking garage.
- The DNA of the immortal Turritopsis jellyfish will be used to bestow life everlasting on humans. Side effects: tentacles, and forever being stuck in the toddler stage of life. But if you don’t mind toddlers with tentacles, it’ll be great!
- Dogs will be required to wear hats at all times.
- Facebook will allow you to “Friend” the symbiotic bacteria that live in your digestive system and communicate with them. Side effects: Dating services which try to entice your bacteria to form relationships with bacteria of people you may not like.
- Republicans will pass bills outlawing flirting, abortion, pornography, healthcare, tolerance, science and all non-polka country fusion music. But none of this will have any effect on peoples’ lives, since Republicans will have first followed through with their plan to disband government.
- Perfect strangers will actually be perfect. However, social media will have eliminated the concept of the stranger.
- Electric cars won’t need to be plugged in because they will run on a grid that supplies them with endless power! But radiation from the grid also causes cancer. But there is a cure for cancer! But side effects of the new cancer drug include bad breath, incurable cancer, and death. But we have learned to communicate with the dead! But they have nothing interesting to say.
- Even with our high caloric, sedentary lifestyles, obesity will be a thing of the past, as our internal colonies of large, genetically-designed intestinal slugs eat our excess fat from the inside out!
- Not only will movies be made entirely with computer-generated characters, eliminating the need for actors, but audiences will be computer generated as well. The entire process, from production of a block-buster movie to viewing will take place in milliseconds inside the internet cloud, without any of us actually noticing. This will speed up sequels as well, with Batman 287 coming less than a nanosecond before Batman 331. No one will notice or care.
- Parenting will be an entirely on-line process. Parents and children will only experience each other as avatars. Kids who clean their virtual rooms or do their homework will “level up” and be granted powers like driving and dating. It will be a constant struggle for parents to keep up with the latest hacks their children will download, but if you notice your child cleaning her room for more than 20 minutes you may have an illegal kid bot on your hands.
Just as the future allows endless possibilities, so too are there endless daisies that will, with the click of a mouse, lead you to more Daisybrain posts. So choose one, and click: