Eieghgtt* Things the World Needs to do to Improve Itself


If the world would follow the following steps, it would be a better place:

  1. Impose an Ignorance Tax. It’s a well established fact that Fox News makes people stupider. Well, just like a tax on cigarettes that helps to pay for the health effects of smoking, there should be an Ignorance Tax that users of Fox News pay to help support actual news sources, like NPR and PBS.
  2. Think Tanks should be called Thought Tanks. Calling them “Think Tanks” is like calling schools “Learn Buildings.”
  3. You can carry pens around in those little built-in holders in backpacks, but the moment they get into the part with your papers, or in your pockets, they burst open & spew ink all over. Pens should be made not to leek in pockets & backpacks.
  4. *There should be the same number of letters in each spelled out number as the number itself. One should be “U”; two should be “to”; three should be “tre”; four should be, ok, leave that one the way it is. Five should be “fiver”; six should be “sixity”; seven should be “seventy” (I know, it may be confusing at first, but you’ll thank me later); eight should be “eieghgtt”, to keep it consistent with its previous nonsensical spelling; nine should be “niiiiiine”, and ten should just be “10”, no letters. From then on, just stick with the numbers – we don’t need to spell them out.
  5. There are too many constellations in the sky. It’s impossible to remember them all, and what’s the point? There should just be one, er, “U” constellation, consisting of ALL of the stars. It would be called “God of Distraction.”
  6. Ever try to flick a strand of dental floss off your hand & into the trash, but it just sticks to you and you get angry at the floss, even though it’s not a sentient being? This isn’t a suggestion. It’s just something that happens to me so I thought I’d share.
  7. Dangling earbud cords have caused so many deaths on treadmills and elliptical machines at gyms, it’s impossible to count them all, and each death is more gruesome than the last. That’s why all exercise machines should come with docks for mp3 players that wirelessly send the signals to receiver earbuds/headphones.
  8. An end to rectangles. Rectangles have dominated our lives for too long. Screens should be oval shaped at the very least. Corners in houses are inefficient spaces and should be done away with. Photographs, TV, movie screens – all should be shaped roughly like work goggles, which mimics the shape that our eyes view the world:


For more mind-itching ways to improve the world, click this graphic of floating happy sun faces:sun fun keliedescope!


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