Should-Be Words

cat word

Assuridy should be a word: “I can speak with a great deal of assuridy on the subject.”

Sneet is a combination of snow and sleet and describes that stuff that has properties of both and falls early in winter. “What is that – snow or sleet? Oh, it’s sneet.”

On slightly warmer days, we have Snain – half-way between snow and rain.

Caffeinsights are the crazy ideas you cup up will when all hopped up on caffein, perhaps after 2 triple espresso mochas.

Caffeinappropriate is the way you talk to the barista, despite your best efforts, after that 5th triple espresso mocha.

Caffeinadvertent are the little mistakes your trembling hands make, like shaking hot chili peppers, instead of sugar (but drinking it anyway), in your 6th triple espresso mocha.

Caffeinarticulate is when your banter stops making sense to others, after about the 7th triple espresso mocha.

Caffeinadvisable describes what you are about to do, as you slurp down your 14th triple espresso mocha.

Caffeinaked is when you’ve had that 14th triple espresso mocha, you tear off all your clothes & run outside naked, in search of a bathroom.

Caffeincarcerated is what you’re trying to avoid, since there’s no coffee served in the pen.

Caffeincapacitated is your condition after running naked from the cops, sneaking into your apartment window and drinking the rest of this morning’s coffee straight from the pot.

Caffeincase was that cup of coffee you poured in a blur just in case you were not about to end up caffeincapacitated.

Mewer is the opposite of fewer. Currently, we have fewer to describe a smaller number of things and less to describe a smaller amount of something. (“I have fewer dollars and therefore less money.”) Of course, most Americans don’t appreciate this distinction and incorrectly use “less” when “fewer” would be correct. All we have on the larger side of things is “more”. (“I have more dollars and therefore more money.”) Although it would further confuse the English-speaking public, symmetry requires another word, and that word is mewer. “I have mewer dollars and therefore more money.

Please use all of these new words with much assuridy. And now, for something completely different, click the daisy:


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