- A female protagonist will always call her female enemy a “bitch” before killing her. It doesn’t matter if it’s a human, monster or shark – all of their trappings and complexities are discarded as they are collapsed down to a simple “bitch”.
- Men in underwear are funny and women in underwear are sexy.
- Turn your back on the bad guy once you’ve dispatched with him so that he can make one last, underhanded attempt to kill you and you can swivel around and kill him in self-defense.
- Every human being on Earth would want to watch a big explosion. But, in the movies, you must turn your back to the explosion and either run & dive, or walk toward the camera in slow motion, too cool to even look at a building blowing up.
- Even in kiddie movies in the U.S., bad guys can’t learn from their mistakes; they must be completely destroyed at the end of the film.
- Manhood is achieved through punching a jerk in slow motion, and there is no such thing as resulting assault and battery charges.
- Inexplicably, no one ever says “bye” in a phone call in the movies; it is a reality in which hanging up on people after the conversational business is concluded is expected behavior.
- Your goofy friend will give you bad advice early on and then good advice when she or he sees that you really are in love with that person.
- If a gang of bad guys is shooting at you, not to worry, they are all amazingly bad shots… unless you’re the nerdy guy who runs out in the open shooting back at them.
- Even though there’s no medium in space to transmit sound waves, spaceships make a loud noise when they blow up.
- There is one, and only one, Black friend in a group of White friends.
See my list of things to NEVER SAY OR DO in a movie, under this flower: