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How to change numbers:

• Take all the fours in the world, put them all together, and you have a meta-4.
• Pulverize a pound of eights and you have pile of particuleights.
• Seven and eleven are odd numbers, yet they are made mostly of even (seven and eleven). Take the evens out and replace them with the more fitting odd, and you have sodd and elodd. Please use these versions from now on. Thank you.
• “Nine” sounds exactly like the German word for “no”. This is far too negative for a positive number. From now on, let’s leave off the e, and call it “nin“. It will also help to immortalize the band Nine Inch Nails (NIN), which will, in turn, help us to remember that it stands for 9. Of course, the band will have to drop the e as well. This will make them Nin Inch Nails, and they can get rid of the superfluous part and finally just be Nin.
• From millipede to millennium, the prefix mill- means thousand. Yet, we use it to denote a number 1,000 times greater than 1,000. From now on, we will be calling this number: 1,000 “one million.” Please adjust your math homework and test answers accordingly.

Look how important spaces are!

• My pen is love/My penis love
• Butterflies everywhere/Butter flies everywhere
• I have nobody/I have no body
• Drag one at boy friend/Dragon eat boyfriend
• Hero in danger/Heroin danger
• Government in action/Government inaction

Times of the Sign:

• I remember lying in bed one night and realizing that 9 times anything equals a number whose digits add up to 9. EG: 9 x 8 = 72; 7 + 2 = 9, and 9 x 102 = 918; 9 + 1 + 8 = 18 and then 1 + 8 = 9. A practical use for this fact is when calculating 9 times a single digit number. If, like me, you never fully memorized your times tables, then whenever you are confronted with 9 x 7 you react by saying, “Uhhhhhhhh…” stalling while you slowly count by nines. But, now I simply use the 9x trick: 9 times any single digit number starts with one less than the number you are multiplying by and ends with a digit that will add up to 9. So, when I have to calculate 9 x 7 for the 3 millionth time, I think, “One less than 7 is 6 so the answer has to be 6 and whatever adds up to 9; 6 +3 = 9, so the answer is 63.” So 9 is a magic number. But what tricks are there for other numbers in the multiplication business? Let’s go right to one of the less obvious ones:
• 11 x a single digit number just makes you write that number twice, so 11 x 2 = 22. But what about 11 x a two-digit number? Let’s call the number AB. 11 x AB = A(A+B)B. So, 11 x 53 = 583 (because 5 + 3 = 8). You just take the number, spread it apart & insert the number you get when you add up the two digits. So, for 11 x 41, we get 451 (since 4 + 1 = 5).

Choices:

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