How to Make Life Better with Words

  • Whenever I’m lonely, I take my carpet, add a space and I have a car pet that I take with me on road trips.

  • I take a piece of paper with me wherever I go. That way, if I want to escape, I can tear the paper in half. Two halves make a whole. The “w” is silent, so I ignore it and exit through the hole.
  • Manure: I just love that shit.
  • Prediction: The first true robot dog will be called “Dogmatic”.
  • They should market tea to blue collar workers and call it “Utilitea”. You could pack the tea bags in your Utilitea belt.
  • Various precarious areas are nefarious, but hilarious.

 

A Poem, Involving a Cat:

Give a cat a cap, a fedorable cat hat

Give that cat a comb, your catacomb is in a hat

Give your cat a tonic, you have a catatonic cat in a catacomb with hat

And yes, she is all that

 


    • I’ve decided to deconstruct “Daisybrain,” and use its eight letters to write this for you:
      • I say daisybrain is a sad, bad, diary. Is daisybrain a sin? A rabid brain? Daisybrain is a binary band aid in a briny bar, a drab bird in a brainy drain, a dry, arid and sandy raisin in a rainy day. I dab a daisy in brandy and say, “Daisybrain”.

 

My Specialty is Special Tea:

 dasy1

 

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