My Brilliant Laziness Astonishes Me

My brain told me to cull through my tweets to create a blog post, thus avoiding any new thinking. Who am I to argue with my brain? Here you go:


  • Tuesday, Sept 16:

The world’s first joke: “Grok say I deny everything. That not true.”

  • Sept. 15:


Tip: Buy coffee in bulk. The scale won’t register 3 beans or fewer. It takes all day, but you can get half a pound of coffee for free.

  • Sept. 14:


Hikers: Remember to pack freeze-dried water, and bring along some water to rehydrate it with.

  • Sept. 12:


Time for a Haiku/ Turn tweets into poetry/ Good way to waste time

  • Sept. 11:


Cuticles are so cute.

  • Sept. 10:


Today is not the first day of the rest of my life; it is the last day of the previous part of my life.

  • Sept. 10:


Electrons carry tweets around the internet in little suitcases.

  • Sept. 8:


How much of a person do you have to eat before it’s considered cannibalism?

  • Sept. 7:


Apparently I’m supposed to wear clothes at work. That wasn’t in the job description. How I am just supposed to “know” this???

  • Sept. 6:


Nothing I write quite makes sense, and again.

  • Sept. 4:


All my old pencils seemed so pointless. So I sharpened them.

  • Aug. 29:


Remember that one time when I didn’t forget something?

  • Aug. 25:


It tuchus a long time to get there, but ass alright. Thank you and good night.

  • Aug. 19:


Love that feeling of driving past a police car when just out of sheer coincidence you happen to be driving the speed limit.

  • Aug. 16:


All I’m saying is that I’m not close-minded about cannibalism. I mean under the right conditions, say, stuck in an elevator with a stranger.

  • Aug. 14:


People complaining about immigrants not learning the language, I can only assume your immigrant ancestors were fluent in Algonquin.

  • Aug. 16:


Creationists should call their views “Theology Biology.”

  • Aug. 2:


Manure: I really love that shit.

  • Aug. 2:


How could any American not be patriotic, knowing that the letters in “American Flag” can be rearranged to spell “Fig Anal Cream”?

And now for something completely similar:


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