My Brilliant Laziness Astonishes Me

My brain told me to cull through my tweets to create a blog post, thus avoiding any new thinking. Who am I to argue with my brain? Here you go:

 

  • Tuesday, Sept 16:

The world’s first joke: “Grok say I deny everything. That not true.”

  • Sept. 15:

 

Tip: Buy coffee in bulk. The scale won’t register 3 beans or fewer. It takes all day, but you can get half a pound of coffee for free.

  • Sept. 14:

 

Hikers: Remember to pack freeze-dried water, and bring along some water to rehydrate it with.

  • Sept. 12:

 

Time for a Haiku/ Turn tweets into poetry/ Good way to waste time

  • Sept. 11:

 

Cuticles are so cute.

  • Sept. 10:

 

Today is not the first day of the rest of my life; it is the last day of the previous part of my life.

  • Sept. 10:

 

Electrons carry tweets around the internet in little suitcases.

  • Sept. 8:

 

How much of a person do you have to eat before it’s considered cannibalism?

  • Sept. 7:

 

Apparently I’m supposed to wear clothes at work. That wasn’t in the job description. How I am just supposed to “know” this???

  • Sept. 6:

 

Nothing I write quite makes sense, and again.

  • Sept. 4:

 

All my old pencils seemed so pointless. So I sharpened them.

  • Aug. 29:

 

Remember that one time when I didn’t forget something?

  • Aug. 25:

 

It tuchus a long time to get there, but ass alright. Thank you and good night.

  • Aug. 19:

 

Love that feeling of driving past a police car when just out of sheer coincidence you happen to be driving the speed limit.

  • Aug. 16:

 

All I’m saying is that I’m not close-minded about cannibalism. I mean under the right conditions, say, stuck in an elevator with a stranger.

  • Aug. 14:

 

People complaining about immigrants not learning the language, I can only assume your immigrant ancestors were fluent in Algonquin.

  • Aug. 16:

 

Creationists should call their views “Theology Biology.”

  • Aug. 2:

 

Manure: I really love that shit.

  • Aug. 2:

 

How could any American not be patriotic, knowing that the letters in “American Flag” can be rearranged to spell “Fig Anal Cream”?

And now for something completely similar:

dasy1

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