vegetables kill


Angry Fruit By Fotokolaj On Deviantart

Author’s note: The headline of this post was created for dramatic effect, but to stay on the safe side, we should follow the following:

  • Appease the peas
  • Choke the artichokes

  • Beat the beets
  • Date the dates
  • Goose the gooseberries
  • Mush the mushrooms
  • Impeach the peaches
  • Prune the prunes
  • Bean the beans
  • Pommel the pomelos
  • Squash the squashes
  • Split the split peas
  • Snap the snap peas
  • Let us lattice the lettuce
  • Amaze the maize
  • Net the nettles
  • Lick the garlic


Because I feel that anyone who accidentally arrived at this blog post deserves more than those horrible fruit and vegetable puns, here is a reprint of my wildly popular ode to fruit salad:

The ballad of fruit salad

is a sweet and citrus tune

sung by cowboy chefs

under the crescent moon

They sing of lonesome fruit

that might be good in pie

But when it’s in fruit salad

no one will even try

The ballad of fruit salad

for the fruit that’s left behind

a tribute to the grapefruit

lovingly scooped from its rind

They sing of pomegranates

that no one understands

those complex and selfless fruits

rejected by cowhands

Oh the ballad of fruit salad

is a sad and juicy song

For nothing could be sadder

than when fruit does not belong

Here’s a daisy portal to another blog post:


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