I Apologize for Whatever

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

Definitely don’t do Daddy’s dirty deeds.

Every enchanted egg entering elementary education eventually earns enlightenment.

Finnegan feeds fish frozen farts for fun. [Finnegan freezes farts for fish food] [Finnegan freezes farts for fun] [Funny Finnegan freezes farts for fish food, feeding four frozen farts for….]

Great God girl!  Grant’s grown gigantic gonads!

Handsome Hillary handily heals herself.

I instigate incredibly illicit, illegal iguanas inside igloos… improvisational

[Jury just juiced Jay Jewish Jack…. joked jocular]

Kittens keep killing kangaroos!  (or kissing)

Lauren laughed loudly, looking like Lilly’s lewd Labrador

My mom makes magic marijuana muffins.

No new napkins necessary, not…

Oprah occupies Oval Office

Pine prices proceed positively penguins

Penguins protect possible

Positive penguins peer politely, provoking peevish possums past ….

Queen quietly quibbles, questioning quantum “quacks.”

Resist rational reasoning; recollect random realizations.

Smurfs summon Satan!

Tacky tea toddling teenagers try transmitting thoughts telepathically to teach toilet training to toddlers

tired teenagers try to

telekinetically target tampons to turn

train toddlers to

undulating underwear understands us

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So, just to reiterate, this is an in-progress draft of a post. If you exist, which you don’t, and you want to suggest any sentences for, say J, feel free….

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And now, this: