Lactose Avoidance and a Storied Story

I pride myself in my tolerance, so you can imagine my discomfort with the realization that I was lactose intolerant. My friend Amy Mercury helped me find some less harsh ways to express any condition. Instead of lactose intolerant, I am:

  • Lactose Averse
  • Lactose Contemptuous
  • Lactose Illiberal
  • Lactose Unindulgent
  • Lactose Waspish

Better yet, because I am just lacking in lactase to digest the lactose, I am:

  • Low in Lactase
  • Lactase Deficient
  • Lactase Impaired
  • Lactase Defective
  • Lactase Depressed
  • Lactase Decumbant

And now this….

With the kitsch in the kitchen, a jester gestures for a cinnamon synonym, declaring, “You’re either with us or a Guinness!” At that, the flea fleetly flees and twice the nice ice mice dice the rice. Wait here for the waiter where we watch the swath of a wrist watch worn by workers who work her while sealing the ceiling, doing Thai chi, drinking chai tea, wearing my tie and drinking mai tai.

The pie lets the pilot explain how to deplane. And meanwhile… reverse rivers ship the ship, to flow Flo so she can train the train to remain insane.

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