Don’t Ever Try to Unsubscribe to the New York Times. Ever.

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I wanted to support journalism in the age of an aspiring fascist child running the government and trying to crush freedom of the press. So, shortly after the stolen 2016 election, I subscribed to the New York Times and the Washington Post. After three years, because I work in retail, I could no longer afford news subscriptions, so I went to the Post & hit the unsubscribe button.

I then went to my account in the Times, but they don’t have that option. Instead, you are instructed to call or open a chat window. On my first two attempts, they didn’t connect me with anyone. Clever Times. But the third time, a rep answered to talk me out of unsubscribing and to transfer me to a second rep apparently in the hope that I’d give up & keep paying.

Here is our transcript:

(After I clicked Unsubscribe as the reason for the chat)

Nicole: Hello, thank you for contacting The Customer Care Team at The New York Times, my name is Nicole I will be assisting you today. I want to thank you for your loyal readership with the New York Times.

Nicole: I was able to locate your Basic Digital Access associated with the email address (redacted). We want to thank you for your loyal readership to the New York Times.

Me: I would like to unsubscribe.

Nicole: I am sorry to hear you want to cancel your subscription, may I ask why?

Me: I work in retail. I can’t afford any subscriptions at this time.

Nicole: I understand, Please allow me a few moments to transfer your to the Account Specialists where they can better assist you.

Me: Why can’t I just press an unsubscribe button like any other site in the world would let me do?

Info: Please wait while your chat is transferred to the appropriate group.

Info: You are now chatting with Kyle.

Kyle: Thank You for contacting The New York Times. My name is Kyle and I will be happy to further assist you today.

May I have the account number or email address associated with your account?

Me: Account number 76926944 Email (redacted)

Me: Unsubscribe me, Kyle. Thank you .

Kyle: Thank You for that information. I was able to verify this account associated with your email address: (redacted) and account number 76926944 .

We do want to thank you for the Basic Digital Access  subscription (insert first part of my email address as if it were my name).

I see your wanting to cancel your account today due to no time is that right? ​​​​​​​

Me: Dear God in Heaven. Please just unsubscribe me.

Kyle: We can offer you a Basic Digital subscription at a special rate of only $2.00 per week for 52 weeks, That’s only $8.00 every 4 weeks for 1 year! Is this something you would like to take advantage of today?

Me: I don’t hold you personally responsible for any of this BS. But I am getting angry. unsubscribe me so I don’t have to sue you.

Me: Unless you want to pay me to be a customer.

Me: I will accept a $100 yearly payment to stay subscribed.

Kyle: Before we cancel out your Subscription we do see we can offer you a Basic Digital subscription at a special rate of only $1.00 per week for 52 weeks, That’s only $4.00 every 4 weeks for 1 year! Is this something you would like to take advantage of today?

Me:: I will only accept a $100 payment.

Kyle: The subscription is now cancelled.
You will continue to enjoy all your subscription benefits for the rest of your billing cycle, which ends on September 19, 2019. Unfortunately we cannot issue any credits or refunds for the remainder of this billing cycle.

Kyle: If there is anything additional we can do for you, please reach out to us at 1-800-NYTIMES (1-800-698-4637) from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday-Friday and 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday & Sunday (ET).Also, I would like to make you aware of the many self-service options available to you at myaccount.nytimes.com

Kyle: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Me: bye

Kyle: Thank you for being the best part of The New York Times. Have a wonderful day!

Info: Thank you for chatting with us.


For my delightful conversation with Comcast, click here:

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