The Prettiest Poems Ever Penned on the Planet+ The World’s Wisest Words of Wisdom

I broke on the rocks

When your talons

Gouged out my eyes

I held fast to your tail

As you soared up high over the rocks

With one flick you released me

I broke into seven pieces on the rocks

One piece grew roots through rock’s crevices 

And now is a tree, tall and strong

A second piece rolled downhill into the sea and swims away from the light

A third piece of me turned to hard rock and casts its gaze upwards

A fourth grew legs and joined a village

A fifth piece became the Earth and is aware of everything

A sixth fell though the cracks into the magma to recycle itself

And the seventh dusted itself off, walked home and started writing

Phasing Out

My mind is slipping out of phase with this world. My body becomes less mine. It becomes a thing for people to hate and love and control. 

There is another universe much like this one, but out of phase, so you can’t see it when you’re here, awake in your body.

I’ve been spending more time there. That’s why I sleep longer and longer.

There are slight differences between the worlds. Here is all judgement, reaction and death. There is all love, fun and life. Plus, I have no weight there and can float in the air.

There is no before and after there, just now, and if now doesn’t go the way you like, you can redo it. But there’s never any need since there are no causes or effects.

I suspect that when I finally manage to stay in the other universe, my body in this world will be permanently asleep in a coma.

You can do with it what you like. You can put it wherever you feel justified.

Words of Shockingly Clever Wisdom

  • The Census would eventually gain more acceptance if it were called the Consensus.
  • When you lay out your socks side-by-side, fresh from the dryer, before matching them into pairs, it is called Preparing.
  • Cars should have forward mirrors stuck way in front, by the front bumper, on either side, so that you can see around corners and parked trucks when pulling out of difficult driveways.
  • Why don’t carnivorous plants poop?
  • The sky feels pain every time a star burns a little hole in it at night.
  • The fact that genetically identically trees grown under the same conditions will not look identical but will have uniquely shaped branches means that there is a biological advantage to chaos.
  • When you stop to consider that you are a self-aware piece of matter, all other considerations seem trivial.
  • Why isn’t anyone blaming the neighborhood of Corona, New York for the current pandemic? It is clearly their doing.
  • If you eat chocolate for breakfast, is it called chocoearly?
  • In future versions of the game Monopoly, players will pick a card and be sent to Quarantine instead of to Jail.*
  • Do people named Pam get teased all the time about the “Pamdemic”?
  • Is it a Gouda idea to shove the Chèvre, or would the cheddar be better if you read her the letter?
  • Police helicopters should be called Helicoppers.
  • Is low self-esteem a uniquely human trait, or are there other animals, or perhaps aliens on other planets right now, thinking, “I suck!”?
  • Why aren’t tampons called period plugs?
  • I think it’s funny that just a few months ago, American politics was obsessed with whether or not plastic straws should be banned. At the time, I called it “Straw Wars.” All it takes is a widespread contagious human disease for people to completely stop giving a fuck about the rest of the planet.

*Thanks Alyssa!


And now, this flower, which, if you click it, will take you to socially-distanced paradise:

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