Famous First Words

March 27, 2017

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You want to start a story with an enticing first line. Here are some first lines for your essays, short stories and novels guaranteed to peek reader interest. Or at least to peek their fear. Feel free to use them as writing prompts. If you get published, please pay me money. Any amount. Enough for a bar of chocolate.

Fifteen Future Famous First Phrases:

  • I probably know more about humans than I know about my own species.
  • I promise not to kill you if you read this entire story.
  • This book explains the six easy steps you can take to achieve physical immortality.

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I Know I’m Awake

March 19, 2017

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I know I’m awake because I feel the cool air on my arm hairs.

I know I’m awake because the far-off branches of trees are blurry.

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Stand Up and Be Discounted (is the name of this blog post)

October 24, 2016

Just like the @ sign for “at,” there should be signs for “before” and “after,” something like this: and

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Here is some Trump Haiku:

1.

This Haiku is rigged

It is against Donald Trump

It is so unfair

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Three Poems. Not Two. Not Even Four, But Three.

October 21, 2016

Rotten Teeth

They give up their teeth

They give up their jobs

And their children

They defend their ego

“Take my teeth,” they say

He misses his 12 children

A new baby will grow up

With dad in an endless time out.

 

It’s the system, not their fault.

They got screwed. It’s unfair.

But this time it will be different.

This is the last time.

They gave away their rotten teeth.

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Wakescape

September 9, 2016

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There’s some kind of leak between my dreams and my so-called reality. It used to be one way, the normal way: bits and pieces of my life show up randomly in dreams. You know, your dog is in your dream, giving you advice, and she’s also your mother. But ever since April 13th, dream-stuff has been appearing in my waking world. For example, as I am writing this, I’m sitting in a café in Vermont, and on the chalk-written menu is raisin-flavored kombucha. Yes, Vermont is full of the hippy probiotic drink kombucha. But nobody really makes raison-flavored kombucha. It’s something I dreamed last night, along with the kombucha-flavored, vegan, raw chocolate cream pie, which I just noticed is also on display here in this café. It makes me wonder what else I’m seeing that I forget I dreamed up.

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Disconnected Thoughts

September 5, 2016

Brainstorming

Here are some things I’ve been thinking today. If we were eating a meal together, I would probably figure out a way to inject them into the conversation. But because I have no social life, I am sharing them here, in this blog post, with random strangers, lurkers and family members checking up on me.

  • Why We’re Hearing More Racist Comments in “Polite Society”
    • I believe that future social scientists will come to the conclusion that one result of Barack Obama’s presidency was a resurgence in public sphere racist dialogue. Not just as a reaction to Obama, but Obama gave racists an opportunity to say racist stuff that heretofore had been discouraged in public, under the guise of complaining about a President, and it just grew from there.

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Question Poetry

August 27, 2016

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The Question

Every poem is about What am I?

Every question is What am I?

The Universe demands to know what it is.

What am I? I am all of this and nothing

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