I Kan’t SEE a Thing

July 23, 2017

Word

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

I’m not making this up. This is not an attempt at humor. It is my life. The reason I bought this laptop a year ago was that some of the keys on my previous one, a MakAir, also stopped working. I forget whith ones now bekause after I bought my new komputer, the keys on the old started working again. I try not to have any synikal interpretation of this series of events.

The letter SEE is, in any kase, not only nearly superfluous (we have k and s, but no letter to make that SEE-H sound) but it’s not needed nearly as muth as some other letters, like S and O. But it did get me thinking about the word alphabet. I have long advokated for a new word to refer to the letters of our written language. The word should rightly inklude all of the letters of the alphabet. And so now we have to the real reason for this blog post. It is to introduse readers of this blog and thus the entire world to the brand new word I am about to invent, by the time I finish typing this sentense….

Bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx

And if you think it’s easy to put all the letters of the bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx together in a manner that does not violate plausible English sound kombinations, try it yourself. In the meantime, please honor my efforts by pasting #bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx  onto all of your soshial media posts. I’ll be wathing.


This daisy is a portal to another Daisybrain realm:

daisy2-e1467581849533


Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

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Little Things That Piss Me Off

July 13, 2017

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  • Calling soldiers “Warriors,” like they fight for the Greco-Roman Empire
  • Calling the country the “Homeland,” like its an island fortress where our species first emerged and must stay to survive, surrounded by hostile alien vampire globs

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I Apologize for Whatever

July 9, 2017

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

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vegetables kill

June 12, 2017
angry_fruit_by_fotokolaj-d3ilpvv

Angry Fruit By Fotokolaj On Deviantart

Author’s note: The headline of this post was created for dramatic effect, but to stay on the safe side, we should follow the following:

  • Appease the peas
  • Choke the artichokes

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Death, Despair & Desperation

June 7, 2017

Deep Inside My Head

A buzzing. A whooshing pressure.

My body is here but where am I?

Deep inside my head

The empty seat in front of me comes back into focus

I dreamt a lacquered coffin

Now I see one

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Three Short Poems of Existential Angst

May 27, 2017

vicehead

Fuzzy Controller

There I am. Over there, in life

Surrounded by looming and swirling forces

I’m tiny

I wish I could catch my attention

It’s like playing a video game with a fuzzy controller

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