I Kan’t SEE a Thing

July 23, 2017

Word

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

I’m not making this up. This is not an attempt at humor. It is my life. The reason I bought this laptop a year ago was that some of the keys on my previous one, a MakAir, also stopped working. I forget whith ones now bekause after I bought my new komputer, the keys on the old started working again. I try not to have any synikal interpretation of this series of events.

The letter SEE is, in any kase, not only nearly superfluous (we have k and s, but no letter to make that SEE-H sound) but it’s not needed nearly as muth as some other letters, like S and O. But it did get me thinking about the word alphabet. I have long advokated for a new word to refer to the letters of our written language. The word should rightly inklude all of the letters of the alphabet. And so now we have to the real reason for this blog post. It is to introduse readers of this blog and thus the entire world to the brand new word I am about to invent, by the time I finish typing this sentense….

Bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx

And if you think it’s easy to put all the letters of the bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx together in a manner that does not violate plausible English sound kombinations, try it yourself. In the meantime, please honor my efforts by pasting #bwodgflytzjencksquimphvarx  onto all of your soshial media posts. I’ll be wathing.


This daisy is a portal to another Daisybrain realm:

daisy2-e1467581849533


Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

Read the rest of this entry »


Little Things That Piss Me Off

July 13, 2017

tumblr_mbrcatj22f1rtu0xao1_250

  • Calling soldiers “Warriors,” like they fight for the Greco-Roman Empire
  • Calling the country the “Homeland,” like its an island fortress where our species first emerged and must stay to survive, surrounded by hostile alien vampire globs

Read the rest of this entry »


I Apologize for Whatever

July 9, 2017

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

Read the rest of this entry »


The American Myth of Goodness

July 2, 2017

Barack Obama was the master of stirring rhetoric evoking our nation’s imperfect past rooted in a perfect ideal. Everything was always framed in a way to excuse our flaws as hiccups on the path toward “a more perfect union,” answerable to “the better angels of our nature.” Genocide against First Americans? Hundreds of years of chattel slavery? Jim Crow, Red Scare, the Iraq War… all anomalies. After all, here in America our founding gods, er, fathers, believed that all people (at the time they just referred to them as “men”) were created equal. We are the shining beacon of light on the hill, blah, blah, blah.

Read the rest of this entry »


The United State of Trump

June 2, 2017

trump_shining

Countries are at their most dangerous when their empires are in decline. That’s when authoritarian leaders gain power, with rhetoric about the rest of the world not taking them seriously anymore. We are seeing the first sign of this alarming development now, with Trump fantasizing that world is “laughing at us,” and that we have to assert our sovereignty. As US global influence diminishes, I fear that we are in for a sickening transformation of our nation into a a petty, belligerent, whiny country constantly looking for ways to assert its power for the sake of its own ego.

Read the rest of this entry »


How to Figure out That Whole Immortality Thing

May 31, 2017

Dear Geneticists,

Here is how I think you should go about figuring out the secret to immortality:

Read the rest of this entry »


%d bloggers like this: