Rejected Rock Lyrics

September 25, 2018

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When musicians release promotional demo tracks, they often contain first draft lyrics that are later finessed into the final versions released to the public. For example, Eddy Cochran’s “C’mon Everybody” was originally recorded with “Let’s get together” as the repeated chorus. Compare the final and original original drafts of the following staples of the American popular music cannon:

Sometimes the differences are subtle, as in the Supremes 1966 classic hit “You can’t hurry love.”

Final lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
But it’s a game of give and take”

Original Lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
You’ll just have to masturbate”

Compare Carole King’s final version of “I feel the Earth move” with the original lyrics proposed by her songwriting partner, James Taylor, who suffred feom IBS:

Final lyrics:

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a-tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you’re around

Original Lyrics:

I feel my bowels move under my seat
I feel the shit tumbling down, a-tumbling down
I feel my butt start to trembling
And the world turns brown

The King-Taylor songwriting duo also recorded “Where you lead, I will follow,” a pre-feminist tribute to women’s subordination, or a love song, depending on your level of woke. But the original lyrics were more about Taylor’s famous eating disorder:

Final Lyrics:

Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

Original Lyrics:

Where you feed, I will swallow
Any food that you feed to me
If you feed, you feed me to eat with you
I will swallow what you feed me

The same pattern exists across all genres of popular music. Take the seminal punk rock band, the Ramones. Their upbeat love song, “Oh oh I love her so” was originally not about human love at all:

Final Lyrics:

I met her at the Burger King we fell in love by the soda machine….
Oh oh I love her so
Oh oh I love her so
Oh oh I love her so oh oh

Original Lyrics:

I met her at the Burger King I fell in love with a soda machine….
Oh oh I love a soda
Oh oh I love a soda
Oh oh I love a soda machine

Even the notoriously rebellious Sex Pistols changed their lyrics with changing market forces. Here are their final and original takes of “Pretty vacant,” a song originally designed as a sponsorship pitch to the makers of Tylenol™.

Final Lyrics:

There’s no point in asking you’ll get no reply
Oh just remember I don’t decide

Original Lyrics:

There’s no point in aspirin you’ll get no relief
Tylenol’s the one that you’ve got to belief

And finally, Maroon 5’s current hit, Girls like you, was originally about a medical procedure faced by aging frontman Adam Levine.

Final Lyrics:

Spent 24 hours
I need more hours with you
You spent the weekend
Getting even, ooh ooh
We spent the late nights
Making things right, between us
But now it’s all good baby
Roll that Backwood baby
And play me close….
‘Til sundown, when I come through
I need a girl like you, yeah yeah

Original Lyrics:

Spent 24 hours
I need more hours to poo
Colonoscopy this weekend
Gotta drink my poo goo
I spent all last night
Sitting on the toilet
Don’t know what a Backwood is baby
But please roll it.
Tomorrow they put a tube up my ass
I need to empty my bowels, yeah yeah yass.

—-
This daisy will take you to a post completely lacking in scatological humor:
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Public Health Timeline

September 18, 2018

Here is a timeline, as best as I can recall without doing any pesky research, of public health advice from the Media:

1950: Meat, starch and dairy will keep you healthy.

1962: Make your kids drink juice. It has vitamins.

1965: mercury is good for your teeth. Fill your cavities with it.

1969: Eat wheat germ to be groovy.

1973: Bread is a wonder food. Replace all meals with bread.

1975: Older adults should take an aspirin a day if they don’t want to die of a heart attack.

1978: Juice is all sugar. Keep it from kids or they will get diabetes as their teeth fall out.

1983: Bread will kill you. Eliminate it from your diet.

1984: Cholesterol clogs and kills.

1985: Eggs have cholesterol and should be avoided at all costs.

1986: Tofu is good for you. Look – Asians eat it and they live forever.

1987: Flossing is more important than brushing.

1990: Meat, starch and dairy will immediately kill you.

1991: Moderate daily alcohol consumption will prevent heart disease and add years to your life.

Later in 1991: Alcohol is poison; avoid at all costs.

Still later in 1991: The secret to longevity is daily alcohol consumption.

1992: Eat only meat and fat. Carbs are from Satan.

1993: Coffee will burn a hole in your stomach

1994: Coffee is a super antioxidant. Drink more of it.

1995: The cholesterol in eggs won’t hurt you. Eat an egg a day.

1996: What is wheat germ? Whatever it is, we don’t sell it here.

1997: Mercury fillings are insane. Remove them at once.

2000: Drink 50 cups of water a day, you idiot.

2002: Some cholesterol is bad, some is good. No one can possibly know which is which.

2003: Most people get plenty of vitamin D from the sun.

2004: Coconut oil is good for you. Only eat products that contain coconut oil.

2005: Tofu is evil. Something about hormones and GMOs.

2006: Coconut oil will kill you – don’t even look at it. Too late.

2007: You can exist on a diet of pure coconut oil.

2008: Everyone on the planet is dying of vitamin D deficiency.

2009: Get a mammogram

2010: Stay away from mammograms

2011: Maybe get a mammogram

2012: Forget what we said about water. Just drink… some.

2013: There is no clinical benefit to flossing.

2014: We were just kidding about cholesterol; it doesn’t hurt you.

2015: Coffee dehydrates you.

2016 and a half: Coffee doesn’t dehydrate you.

2017: Eat crickets. Eat fermented crickets raised on organic turmeric and drizzled in mushroom extract.

2018: Older adults who take an aspirin a day will immediately die.

Those are the ones that come to mind. But I haven’t yet looked at today’s headlines; is alcohol bad or good again?


For further health education, click here:

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Bye Bye Miss White Supremacy

August 21, 2018

A long long time ago
I pretend to remember how
TV and lunch counters used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d look happy for a while

But November made me shiver
With every tweet that I’d twitter
People who talk different on the doorstep
I couldn’t take one more step

I can’t remember if I called 911
When I read about the Mexicans
Something made me poop my orifice
The day the Obama took office 

So
Bye bye Miss White Supremacy
Drove my Chevy to the levee for white company
And them good old boys we’re locking foreign kids up
Singin’ this’ll be the day Trump saves us
This’ll be the day Trump saves us

Did you write the book of hate
And do you have faith that God is straight?
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock without roll?
Can the Supreme Court save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to think real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with Trump
‘Cause I saw you kissin’ his rump
You both kicked off your tie clips
Man, I dig those golfing trips

I was a lonely alt-right fuck
With a 3-D printed gun and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the gays could marry

I started singin’
Bye bye Miss White Supremacy
Drove my Chevy to the levee for white company
And them good old boys we’re locking foreign kids up
Singin’ this’ll be the day Trump saves us
This’ll be the day Trump saves us

(Apologies to Don McLean)

—-

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Eric’s Words of Wisdom

May 28, 2018

Who is Eric? We don’t know. But here are his Words of Wisdom:

  • You are only as old as the exact amount of time you have spent alive.
  • When someone asks you to smell milk to see if it’s gone bad, say, “No.”

Read the rest of this entry »


Brand New Words!

April 25, 2018

fruity jam

The following words did not exist until I made them up. You’re welcome!

  1. Flambertoast (n): Toast spread generously with flamberjam
  2. Flamberjam (n): A sweet spread made of crushed flamberberries
  3. Flamberberry (n): The fruit of the flamberbush
  4. Flamberbush (n): The deciduous plant that produces the edible, and slightly radioactive, flamberberry

OK, one thing kind of led to another there. Breaking free of that loop. Here are some more practical new words:

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Messages Sent!

April 14, 2018

We send messages to the world!

Messages! That’s our job. We send them through Twitter & through bombs. Sometimes we send them through hush money. Here are our some of most recent messages:

Hello world! We can blow you up!

Read the rest of this entry »


Are Rock Lyrics Sexist?

April 5, 2018

I’ve always despised the sexist lyrics of Simon & Garfunkel’s Homeward Bound, which includes the despicable lines:

Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.

What a great role for a woman: to lie in bed silently until her man, who’s out on the road seeking public adoration, bestows his presence once again upon her. Is she allowed to eat during her bed-waiting time? Is she allowed to speak once he has returned? We may never know. But it got me thinking:

Are Rock Lyrics Generally Sexist? Here’s an easy way to find out: Reverse the pronouns! Let’s try it with a few popular songs from throughout the decades:

  • From the hit Elvis song, Baby, Let’s Play House:

(This song reached #5 on Billboard’s Country Singles chart in 1955)

Well, you may go to college,
You may go to school.
You may have a pink cadillac,
But don’t you be nobody’s fool…

Now listen to me, baby
Try to understand.
I’d rather see you dead, little boy,
Than to be with another woman.

Read the rest of this entry »


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