Nodding Off

With the arrival of mask culture, we must learn alternative ways to communicate the nuances formerly expressed by or faces. It turns out that the humble nod, which we once took for granted, can be utilized in myriad forms to convey a wealth of meaning. But not all nods say the same thing! Here is a chart explaining the meanings of the basic types of nods available to you.

“Yes”

“No”

“Maybe”

Your Next Band, Named (and other random things)

I misplaced my last list of band name ideas, so just pretend that you read it, it was very clever & you loved it. In the meantime, here are some more:

The Spazmatics

Hellevator

Crunch

Whipscream

Rejected Rock Lyrics

When musicians release promotional demo tracks, they often contain first draft lyrics that are later finessed into the final versions released to the public. For example, Eddy Cochran’s “C’mon Everybody” was originally recorded with “Let’s get together” as the repeated chorus. Compare the final and original original drafts of the following staples of the American popular music cannon:

Sometimes the differences are subtle, as in the Supremes 1966 classic hit “You can’t hurry love.”

Final lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
But it’s a game of give and take”

Original Lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
You’ll just have to masturbate”

Eric’s Words of Wisdom

Who is Eric? We don’t know. But here are his Words of Wisdom:

• You are only as old as the exact amount of time you have spent alive.
• When someone asks you to smell milk to see if it’s gone bad, say, “No.”

Words we need to make it through the next year

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

Spouses of the Famous, Revealed!

This week: Meet Darth Vader’s Wife, Ella:

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For more drastically important art and information, click this flower:

Famous First Words

You want to start a story with an enticing first line. Here are some first lines for your essays, short stories and novels guaranteed to peek reader interest. Or at least to peek their fear. Feel free to use them as writing prompts. If you get published, please pay me money. Any amount. Enough for a bar of chocolate.

Fifteen Future Famous First Phrases:

• I probably know more about humans than I know about my own species.
• I promise not to kill you if you read this entire story.
• This book explains the six easy steps you can take to achieve physical immortality.

Google Proves Trump Right!

This week’s news has the White House saying that miners (people who dig stuff up out of the ground, not people who are children) don’t watch public television (PBS). Thus, they are proposing to eliminate federal funds for PBS. I figured that there must be a “Miners for Public Television” advocacy group. So I googled it. No “Miners for Public Television” or even “Miners for PBS.” So, the White House must be right. What else are they right about? I decided to google some phrases to find out….

1. “People think Trump has small hands” gets zero results. Therefore, people think he has big hands.
2. Also, no hits for “People like Hillary better than Donald.” You’re on a roll, Donny!
3. “People think Donald Trump is stupid”: According to Google, as of March 16, 2017, only 4 people think this.
4. Finally, 155,000 hits for “Donald Trump is the best president ever.”

So, the White House can rest easy. I decided to continue my search for truth on the internet, and this is what I discovered:

Disconnected Thoughts

Here are some things I’ve been thinking today. If we were eating a meal together, I would probably figure out a way to inject them into the conversation. But because I have no social life, I am sharing them here, in this blog post, with random strangers, lurkers and family members checking up on me.

• Why We’re Hearing More Racist Comments in “Polite Society”
  • I believe that future social scientists will come to the conclusion that one result of Barack Obama’s presidency was a resurgence in public sphere racist dialogue. Not just as a reaction to Obama, but Obama gave racists an opportunity to say racist stuff that heretofore had been discouraged in public, under the guise of complaining about a President, and it just grew from there.