Rejected Rock Lyrics

September 25, 2018

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When musicians release promotional demo tracks, they often contain first draft lyrics that are later finessed into the final versions released to the public. For example, Eddy Cochran’s “C’mon Everybody” was originally recorded with “Let’s get together” as the repeated chorus. Compare the final and original original drafts of the following staples of the American popular music cannon:

Sometimes the differences are subtle, as in the Supremes 1966 classic hit “You can’t hurry love.”

Final lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
But it’s a game of give and take”

Original Lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
You’ll just have to masturbate”

Compare Carole King’s final version of “I feel the Earth move” with the original lyrics proposed by her songwriting partner, James Taylor, who suffred feom IBS:

Final lyrics:

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a-tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you’re around

Original Lyrics:

I feel my bowels move under my seat
I feel the shit tumbling down, a-tumbling down
I feel my butt start to trembling
And the world turns brown

The King-Taylor songwriting duo also recorded “Where you lead, I will follow,” a pre-feminist tribute to women’s subordination, or a love song, depending on your level of woke. But the original lyrics were more about Taylor’s famous eating disorder:

Final Lyrics:

Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

Original Lyrics:

Where you feed, I will swallow
Any food that you feed to me
If you feed, you feed me to eat with you
I will swallow what you feed me

The same pattern exists across all genres of popular music. Take the seminal punk rock band, the Ramones. Their upbeat love song, “Oh oh I love her so” was originally not about human love at all:

Final Lyrics:

I met her at the Burger King we fell in love by the soda machine….
Oh oh I love her so
Oh oh I love her so
Oh oh I love her so oh oh

Original Lyrics:

I met her at the Burger King I fell in love with a soda machine….
Oh oh I love a soda
Oh oh I love a soda
Oh oh I love a soda machine

Even the notoriously rebellious Sex Pistols changed their lyrics with changing market forces. Here are their final and original takes of “Pretty vacant,” a song originally designed as a sponsorship pitch to the makers of Tylenol™.

Final Lyrics:

There’s no point in asking you’ll get no reply
Oh just remember I don’t decide

Original Lyrics:

There’s no point in aspirin you’ll get no relief
Tylenol’s the one that you’ve got to belief

And finally, Maroon 5’s current hit, Girls like you, was originally about a medical procedure faced by aging frontman Adam Levine.

Final Lyrics:

Spent 24 hours
I need more hours with you
You spent the weekend
Getting even, ooh ooh
We spent the late nights
Making things right, between us
But now it’s all good baby
Roll that Backwood baby
And play me close….
‘Til sundown, when I come through
I need a girl like you, yeah yeah

Original Lyrics:

Spent 24 hours
I need more hours to poo
Colonoscopy this weekend
Gotta drink my poo goo
I spent all last night
Sitting on the toilet
Don’t know what a Backwood is baby
But please roll it.
Tomorrow they put a tube up my ass
I need to empty my bowels, yeah yeah yass.

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This daisy will take you to a post completely lacking in scatological humor:
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Public Health Timeline

September 18, 2018

Here is a timeline, as best as I can recall without doing any pesky research, of public health advice from the Media:

1950: Meat, starch and dairy will keep you healthy.

1962: Make your kids drink juice. It has vitamins.

1965: Mercury is good for your teeth. Fill your cavities with it.

1969: Eat wheat germ to be groovy.

1973: Bread is a wonder food. Replace all meals with bread.

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Celebrity (Donald Trump) Uber Alles

June 27, 2018

Thanks to the Dead (or recently retired) Kennedys

I am Emperor Donald Trump
Born again with fascist cravings
Still, you make me president
Rule of law has now gone ‘way
I am now your king today
Now I command all of you
Betsy Devos will Control your school
And Erik Prince will do security too!
Celebrity Über Alles
Über Alles Celebrity
White Nationalists will control you
‘Cause you’re afraid of other points of view
I’ll put Stephen Miller on the Court
The confirmation will be short!

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Are Rock Lyrics Sexist?

April 5, 2018

I’ve always despised the sexist lyrics of Simon & Garfunkel’s Homeward Bound, which includes the despicable lines:

Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.

What a great role for a woman: to lie in bed silently until her man, who’s out on the road seeking public adoration, bestows his presence once again upon her. Is she allowed to eat during her bed-waiting time? Is she allowed to speak once he has returned? We may never know. But it got me thinking:

Are Rock Lyrics Generally Sexist? Here’s an easy way to find out: Reverse the pronouns! Let’s try it with a few popular songs from throughout the decades:

  • From the hit Elvis song, Baby, Let’s Play House:

(This song reached #5 on Billboard’s Country Singles chart in 1955)

Well, you may go to college,
You may go to school.
You may have a pink cadillac,
But don’t you be nobody’s fool…

Now listen to me, baby
Try to understand.
I’d rather see you dead, little boy,
Than to be with another woman.

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I’m So Bored with the USA (new lyrics)

November 21, 2017

Yankee teenager
He want to shoot some China White
He met it in New Hampshire, but now
He can’t afford a bite

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Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

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Little Things That Piss Me Off

July 13, 2017

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  • Calling soldiers “Warriors,” like they fight for the Greco-Roman Empire
  • Calling the country the “Homeland,” like its an island fortress where our species first emerged and must stay to survive, surrounded by hostile alien vampire globs

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