Eric’s Words of Wisdom

May 28, 2018

Who is Eric? We don’t know. But here are his Words of Wisdom:

  • You are only as old as the exact amount of time you have spent alive.
  • When someone asks you to smell milk to see if it’s gone bad, say, “No.”
  • Saying, “Long story short,” doesn’t retroactively make the story short.
  • If you ask, “Can I ask you something?” then you already have.
  • No one can ever be “more than welcome.” You’re either welcome or you’re not. You’re welcome.
  • Farting slowly as you walk through a store does not limit the damage.
  • Watching a cooking contest on TV is like watching a music contest with the sound turned off. In both cases, you place a ridiculous amount of trust in the judges.
  • It bothers the employees of a store less that you steal their pitted fruits and more that you spit the pits on their floor for them to clean up. Please spit your stolen pits into a trash can.
  • Yelling “Whoo!” outside sporting and concert arenas is never appropriate, especially outside my apartment window.
  • If you live long enough, everything good for you will become bad for you… and good for you again.
  • The sociopath who thought of repackaging stale cookies as “scones” was a marketing genius.
  • You are only as old as your biological age.

Link:

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Daisy Portals

May 4, 2018

These flowers will take you places within the Daisybrain Universe:
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Or click here and see where you end up:

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Brand New Words!

April 25, 2018

fruity jam

The following words did not exist until I made them up. You’re welcome!

  1. Flambertoast (n): Toast spread generously with flamberjam
  2. Flamberjam (n): A sweet spread made of crushed flamberberries
  3. Flamberberry (n): The fruit of the flamberbush
  4. Flamberbush (n): The deciduous plant that produces the edible, and slightly radioactive, flamberberry

OK, one thing kind of led to another there. Breaking free of that loop. Here are some more practical new words:

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Alphabet Story

February 21, 2018

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An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

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I Kan’t SEE a Thing

July 23, 2017

Word

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

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Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

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I Apologize for Whatever

July 9, 2017

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

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