Alphabet Story

February 21, 2018

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cure cancer?

Definitely don’t do Daddy’s dirty deeds.

Every enchanted egg entering elementary education eventually earns enlightenment.

Finnegan freezes fish farts for fun.

Great God girl! Granny’s grown gigantic gonads!

Handsome Hillary handily heals herself.

I improvise ice installments inside iguana igloos.

Jocular Jennifer just juried Justin’s jokes.

Kittens keep kissing kangaroos!

Lauren laughed loudly, looking like Lilly’s lewd Labrador

My mom makes magic marijuana muffins.

Nitwit NASCAR newlyweds never need nuts, nutrition, nor napkins.

Oprah occupies our Oval Office.

Prince posthumously postulates porcupines, plus positively proves penguin precognition.

Queens quietly quibble, questioning quantum “quacks.”

Resist rational reasoning; recollect random realizations.

Smurfs summon Satan!

Tacky tea toddling teenagers try transmitting thoughts telepathically to teach toilet training to toddlers.

Undulating underwear understands us, uncovering unbearable uncertainty.

Vegetarian vampires vanquish villainous veterinarians.

What weird water works with wandering wallabies?

Xena x-rays xylophones.

You yummy yo-yo, you.

Zig-Zagging zebras zap zombies.


For more words, click the daisy:

daisy2-e1467581849533

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I Kan’t SEE a Thing

July 23, 2017

Word

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

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Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

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I Apologize for Whatever

July 9, 2017

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

Read the rest of this entry »


Google Proves Trump Right!

March 16, 2017

This week’s news has the White House saying that miners (people who dig stuff up out of the ground, not people who are children) don’t watch public television (PBS). Thus, they are proposing to eliminate federal funds for PBS. I figured that there must be a “Miners for Public Television” advocacy group. So I googled it. No “Miners for Public Television” or even “Miners for PBS.” So, the White House must be right. What else are they right about? I decided to google some phrases to find out….

  1. “People think Trump has small hands” gets zero results. Therefore, people think he has big hands.
  2. Also, no hits for “People like Hillary better than Donald.” You’re on a roll, Donny!
  3. “People think Donald Trump is stupid”: According to Google, as of March 16, 2017, only 4 people think this.
  4. Finally, 155,000 hits for “Donald Trump is the best president ever.”

So, the White House can rest easy. I decided to continue my search for truth on the internet, and this is what I discovered:

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Stand Up and Be Discounted (is the name of this blog post)

October 24, 2016

Just like the @ sign for “at,” there should be signs for “before” and “after,” something like this: and

new-note-3 andnew-note-2

Here is some Trump Haiku:

1.

This Haiku is rigged

It is against Donald Trump

It is so unfair

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Emergency Blog Post!

August 21, 2016

Computer error

The Internet is Broken! Here’s proof:

  • “I don’t care about pandas” receives 21,300 results on Google, whereas “I care about pandas” receives five. That’s right, 5!!!!!

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