Limp Avian Turd vs. El Zen Sky

Daisybrain has migrated from WordPress over to Medium. In the process, it split into two blogs: Daisybrain and OCD-Free. The following post is reprinted from Daisybrain.

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It’s time to squeeze more puns an anagrams out of the wilted cabbage that is my brain.

• Travel logs sound unwieldy for travel. I would suggest travel twigs.
• If you have stage fright and you’re making a public speech at a nudist colony, should you imagine the audience fully clothed?
• Every Christmas I feel cramped, because I always try to live in the present. But that’s a long time to stay still in a box under a tree.
• When I think about the looming prospect of a Russian invasion of Ukraine, I am unsettled by the following indisputable facts:

1. The letters of “Russia” can be rearranged to spell Sir USA, which makes Russia just a medieval version of the USA, which itself is the most violent country in the world, having invaded more nations than any other country in history.
2. “Ukraine” can be rearranged to spell air nukes.
3. “Sanctions” cast no sin. But “warfare” causes raw fear.
4. It makes sense that “European” sounds like “You’re a-peein’,” since “Europe” is our pee.
5. The Russians better watch out for Kamala Harris, since her name rearranges to spell Am liar shark. (Or Ma Liar Shark).
6. Joseph Biden presents as a bit more passive, with the anagrams Bed Pies John and Needs hip job.
7. I don’t know what it means, but Joseph Biden can also be rearranged to spell “Hep jibes, son!” Which sounds like something he’d say.
8. Most alarming are the Vladimir Putin anagrams: A Invalid Trump, Laid Vain Trump, VIP Admiral Nut, VIP until drama, Mad Turnip Vial, Variant Mud Lip, Invalid Apt. Rum, Animal Turd VIP, Valiant Rum Dip, Timid Pun Larva, Valiant Rump ID, Dim Lava Turnip, Avian Dirt Lump, Valiant Mud Rip, Limp Avian Turd, Putrid Anal Vim (has he sent the assassins after me yet?), Lava Rim Pundit, Invalid Rat Ump, Laid Up Varmint, Maudlin Rat VIP, Diurnal Vat Imp, Plain TV Radium, Primal Nut Diva, And Virtual Imp.
9. Whereas Ukraine’s “Zelensky” is simply El Zen Sky.

• In other world news, “global warming” is a blaming growl, an aging warm boil, and an all raging womb. I like the imagery of the all raging womb of Mother Earth fighting against the aging warm boil of the planet caused by the blaming growl of humans in denial.

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That’s all the blog I have time for before whatever it is I do besides blogging. Come visit me on Medium.

Neo-Wordism, Neo-Poetry and What Not to Do

Daisybrain is where the world shops for new words and better definitions of existing words. Welcome.

Propose: What a professional model does

“Massage therapist” is too long. From now on, someone who massages is a Massagynist

Friendsy- A friend who’s always in a frenzy

Trainsport – to transport by train

Chocolate mouse: a small chocolate mousse

To simplify things, mittens are now called “hand socks.”

If you must ache, you can try a mustache. if not, try a mustnotache.

I would expect a pilot to be planespoken.

To simplify things, socks are now called “foot mittens.”

Underwhere: Lost underwear

Taciturd: a quiet poop

Lookout! Its the Po-Poems!

Happiness and Love

In between death and destruction are happiness and love

I celebrate today I celebrate this day

Looping

We have been looping through the last three months

Over and over and over

Memories from before then were implanted

False history

We are lab rats running the same course over & over

Results indicate that we never stop making the same mistakes

I guess we are pre-programmed to fail 

Stop Doing the Following:

Saying “the new normal.”

Liking and retweeting anything that celebrities post, especially if it’s “My dog is getting petted,” or “I sometimes eat ice cream.” If you truly love your celebrity, stop encouraging them! Their egos will explode! “I see a cloud” does not need 4,000 retweets in an hour.

Hitting like on a selfie, ever, even to pretend that you think someone is good looking.

Telling some beautiful person who post a sexy picture that they are beautiful. It is not revelatory information to them, and it will not compel them to have sex with you.

Starting a broadcast with, “In these uncertain times….”

And don’t ever, ever start a video with, “Hey guys!”

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More word fun here:

 

 

 

On a Lighter Note…

Here are some things never before said on the internet! I call them Google virgins:

“I left my phlegm there”

“People remember pencils”

“Nobody will eat my toes”

“Strange that the internet knows nothing”

“String is an American treasure”

Neo-Definitions… just because

Tired of words and their stuffy old meanings? Now you can use the same words… differently! (Plus I threw a few made up words in there.)

Request: When you go on a quest… again

Pandemic: Too many pans

Transmute: A transgender person with laryngitis

Essential Workers: People forced to work and die to make more money for the elite rulers of the Greedocracy

The Essential Coronavirus Dictionary

• Covidiary: That is what I have been presenting in my Covideos
• Covideos: My covidiary series on Youtube.
• CoVidcon: What I assume the next iteration of the Vidcon video tech convention will be
• Cocovid: A delicious quarantine treat
• Coronazi: Protesters demanding that the elderly die so they can have uninterrupted mask-free pedicures
• Coronarcissist: Madonna, thinking that she is suffering, just like the poor people, from her isolation in her emerald rose petal-sprinkled tub
• Virustic: The quaint English countryside setting of Sir Patrick Stewart’s home whence he shares renditions of Shakespeare’s sonnets
• Hydroxychloroquine: Generic term for an alleged panacea that anyone who is not a moron knows will do more harm than good; see “injecting Lysol”
• Injecting Lysol: An expression meaning “We are all fucked”
• Quaranteenager: What we devolved to on about the 13th day of quarantine
• Quarantinfoil: What you wrap around your head whilst in quarantine to block the 5G signals that cause Covid.
• Quarantinderbox: What society feels like right before people riot for their right to get mask-free pedicures in a packed hot yoga locker room.
• Apocalipsync: The comedy stylings of Sarah Cooper
• 20: The number we all dread after we finally rid ourselves of Covid-19.

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Here are more words, arranged for your entertainment:

Infected Poems

I slated

I’m so elated

I slated 

isolated

Lactose Avoidance and a Storied Story

I pride myself in my tolerance, so you can imagine my discomfort with the realization that I was lactose intolerant. My friend Amy Mercury helped me find some less harsh ways to express any condition. Instead of lactose intolerant, I am:

• Lactose Averse
• Lactose Contemptuous
• Lactose Illiberal
• Lactose Unindulgent
• Lactose Waspish

Eric’s Words of Wisdom

Who is Eric? We don’t know. But here are his Words of Wisdom:

• You are only as old as the exact amount of time you have spent alive.
• When someone asks you to smell milk to see if it’s gone bad, say, “No.”

Daisy Portals

These flowers will take you places within the Daisybrain Universe:

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Or click here and see where you end up:

Brand New Words!

The following words did not exist until I made them up. You’re welcome!

1. Flambertoast (n): Toast spread generously with flamberjam
2. Flamberjam (n): A sweet spread made of crushed flamberberries
3. Flamberberry (n): The fruit of the flamberbush
4. Flamberbush (n): The deciduous plant that produces the edible, and slightly radioactive, flamberberry

OK, one thing kind of led to another there. Breaking free of that loop. Here are some more practical new words: