6 Reasons to Ban Homework

July 29, 2017

Pencil-with-eraser

With the recent headlines about a school district in Florida doing away with homework, I thought it would be helpful to review some of the disturbing facts about homework that have been known for decades but still ignored by adults who want to continue to haze children with this dreaded practice:

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I Kan’t SEE a Thing

July 23, 2017

Word

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

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Words we need to make it through the next year

July 16, 2017

 

Junioring: The act of claiming innocence by stupidity

Internyet: Russian use of the internet to veto an election 

Fakicity: Obvious artificiality and fakeness presented by people pretending to be authority figures

Flerp: To pass on a brain activity due to media overload. Example: In response to a question about the Trump-Russia conspiracy,  “I flerp on that,” “I flerp,” or simply, “flerp.”

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Little Things That Piss Me Off

July 13, 2017

tumblr_mbrcatj22f1rtu0xao1_250

  • Calling soldiers “Warriors,” like they fight for the Greco-Roman Empire
  • Calling the country the “Homeland,” like its an island fortress where our species first emerged and must stay to survive, surrounded by hostile alien vampire globs

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I Apologize for Whatever

July 9, 2017

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

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The American Myth of Goodness

July 2, 2017

Barack Obama was the master of stirring rhetoric evoking our nation’s imperfect past rooted in a perfect ideal. Everything was always framed in a way to excuse our flaws as hiccups on the path toward “a more perfect union,” answerable to “the better angels of our nature.” Genocide against First Americans? Hundreds of years of chattel slavery? Jim Crow, Red Scare, the Iraq War… all anomalies. After all, here in America our founding gods, er, fathers, believed that all people (at the time they just referred to them as “men”) were created equal. We are the shining beacon of light on the hill, blah, blah, blah.

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Spouses of the Famous, Revealed!

June 28, 2017

This week: Meet Darth Vader’s Wife, Ella:

Ella Vader

For more drastically important art and information, click this flower:

dasy1


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