Ward of Wordcraft

Foxify: to convolute & twist around any news story until it becomes an indictment of Democrats.

The Outciders: a cool name for a cider company.

How (not) to Build a Treadmill Desk: 3rd Attempt

Greetings, Interwebians,*

To give you a break from my puns, edgy political satire & annoying word play, I am presenting a link to my latest video, “Disposable Treadmill Desk.” While my attempts at building the ultimate work/exercise space may seem doomed to failure, the fact is, that while I write these words, duct tape has been holding together my latest contraption for nearly a week. So there.

In any case, or at least in this case, this video features a cameo as well as camera work by future teen heart-throb Munny603. Check out his videos, too.

Disposable Treadmill Desk

*I made that up just now – like it?

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This flower will take you somewhere:

Wordism

Compounding…

Chocolate, yes, but chocoearly and chocoften.

When someone says, “Somewhat,” ask, “Somewhy?”

When told, “Whatever,” reply with, “Whatnever!”

Life

A new video on Daisybrain’s Youtube channel

Here I am, on a roller coaster both metaphorical and actual, talking about life & how we perceive things differently depending on our age, our political orientation & whether we are human, dog or cat…

Life

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Some blogs are about poetry. Here’s a poem about blogging.

Free Idea #13: Candy Patches

The other day, I noticed my stepson really getting into the smell of a freshly decanted bottle of cream soda. I’m that way with chocolate, but the I end up eating massive quantities of the stuff and regretting it later. Today, in fact, I have a full blown chocolate hangover. Which is why I’d like to see Candy Patches. These would be like the essential oil patches that already exist to help wealthy hippies relax through the smell of lavender, or sharpen their middle aged memories through rosemary infused into a sticky patch. They would stick right on the skin, but instead of nicotine or elderberry extract, etc., they would exude the aroma of mint caramel, or sour lemon drops. Think of the fun the kids would have smelling each others’ patches. And the best thing is, they would be calorie-free.

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For more fee ideas, see this.

A Daisybrain Retrospective

Congratulations! You’ve dropped by in time for our annual Retrospective*, in which I cull some of the best bits of Daisybrain from previous posts & present them as a list of easy-to-digest, bite-sized chunks of disjointed verbiage. Let the self-indulgant avoidance of creativity begin!

1. Making Fun of Politicians’ Names!

• Is Sarah Palin a secret Muslim? Why else would the letters of her name rearrange to spell Sharia Plan??? Quick – somebody tell the Tea Partiers! READ FULL POST
• Trumpelstiltskin: An evil imp who commands much attention until he is called out for his lies and falls deep into a media chasm, never to be heard from again. READ FULL POST
• A lot has been made of the internet joke by which presidential candidate Rick Santorum‘s last name has been defined as a repugnant substance involving discharge from the hinder regions. I thought that this was unfair to Mr. Santorum, so I decided to write a note to Rick expressing my condolences. I figured that he wouldn’t mind if I started the note by rearranging the letters in “Santorum” to spell To Mr. Anus. Of course, I then had to express further condolences for the fact that his name spells “To Mr. Anus,” which must be upsetting in light of the internet definition of his name. I’m sure that after the election his ass will be quickly forgotten. READ FULL POST

Big Pants Update

I would like to share with you this amazing photo that my friend Joe Nickell snapped while he was perusing this very blog. Notice the commercial that happened to be playing on the TV in the background.

For more Joe, visit his blog, Nickell’s Bag.

Mollusks are Taking Over the World

Several days ago, I created a follow-up to my previous post, More Google Virgins!. Like the original post, it contained startling new revelations based on phrases that don’t appear in a Google search. The title of the post was, “Kraft Does Not Make Real Food.” This carefully researched statement was based on the fact that, according to Google, no one has ever posted the phrase, “Kraft makes real food” on line. Not even Kraft itself, one of the largest food manufacturers in the world, has ever claimed that its food is real.

I was about to add the finishing touch to my new post – a dire warning about the takeover of the Earth by mollusks (“Mollusks are not taking over the world,” doesn’t exist on line), when I discovered that my new post had mysteriously vanished. Now, some might say that I either never saved the draft of the post or that I was using a faulty computer that appeared to be clicking on “save draft” but was, in fact, doing nothing. I, however choose to believe that Kraft Foods has taken down my post. Come to think of it, they have probably taken down ALL anti-Kraft posts. You want evidence of this? None of the following phrases appear on line outside of this very post:

Alpha Inventions Viewers Click Here!

Alpha Inventions is a fantastic new site that cycles through freshly updated blogs, allowing viewers quick full-page previews to scan and click on. It looks like the TV when I get my hands on the remote and drive my wife crazy flipping through the channels. Yesterday, hits to my blog more than doubled when it was added to the Alpha Inventions rotation.

Of course, to snag viewers flipping through blogs at about 2 seconds per, I will have to put some eye-catching graphic or big slogan, like:

Free Idea #8: Talking Dog Toys

This one is an easy multi-million dollar idea. All I ask is that you name the product line “Daisybrain,” or “Quimby.”

These days, talking toys are a dime a dozen, so why not a talking dog toy? Many breeds of dogs enjoy picking up objects like squeeze toys and walking around with them. I suggest that when the toys are picked up by the dog, the pressure causes messages to issue forth. They could say things like, “Let me out, please.” Or, “I would like a walk.” Dogs could be trained to bring over the toy that says, “I want to go out,” when they actually want to be let outside.  Here are some suggestions for messages that individual dog toys could repeat: