How to Figure out That Whole Immortality Thing

Dear Geneticists,

Here is how I think you should go about figuring out the secret to immortality:

Reboot

He’d been getting underground Crisper treatments for years. Maybe his new friends didn’t suspect, but I knew Elray back in the 90s, when I was in high school and he was pushing 40. He should have been in his late 70s, but with a full head of jet black hair and athletic build, he looked younger than when I hung out with him. Plus he had to be eight inches taller. He was all brilliant white smiles as he walked up to me in his signature black tuxedo, through the crowd of retro-punks and retro-mods.