Time Again for New Words from Daisybrain

New words, better than the tired, old words you’ve grown used to:

• Ashamorse [ə-ˈshām-hȯrs] The state of being ashamed and having remorse. This word came from my teenage daughter. A related version: shamorse. 
• Arborcide [är-bər-sīd] The murder of trees (“We’re not into arborcide – we have an artificial Christmas tree.”)
• Pizzarito [pēt-sə-rē-tō] Make a pizza on a torilla, roll it up & you have a pizzarito.
• Afraud [a-frȯd] African email scams
• Christmasochist [kris-mə-sə-kist] Someone who takes on way too much at Christmas
• Kwanzaaholic* [kwän-zə-hȯ-lik] Someone who’s a bit over the top with Kwanzaa
• Vaccumulate [va-kyüm-ə-lāt] To accumulate vacuums
• Tesslatte [tes-lä-tā] My drink of choice when I am driving my (future) Tessla
• Placebotox [plə-ˈsē-bō-täk] A saline injection substituting for an actual botox treatment
• Extravagansett* [ik-ˌstra-və-ˈgan-zət] Any celebration in Narragansett, Rhode Island

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*Courtesy Auntie Linda

To try out some older new words, click the daisy:

Woman is not an Adjective

Greetings, people who aren’t me,

Today , I would like to talk to you about your deplorable habit of using the word “woman” as an adjective. You talk about seeing a “woman doctor,” about needing more “woman lawyers,” about being pulled over by a “woman police officer.” Your habitual misuse of the noun “woman” has gotten so bad that dictionaries have bent to your will and classified the word as both a noun and an adjective. But it is not, as simple gender linguistics demonstrates….

A Series of Completely Unrelated Questions

1. What are the strings in String Theory made of? Why even call them strings – isn’t it arrogant to assume that their structure, which has to accommodate the math, has to be something we can visualize?

Wordelicacies

Word needed! A metal container is a can and a glass container is a jar. But we have no word (that I know of) for a plastic container. I suggest plidge, because it rhymes with “fridge,” and thus would be a boon to the both the poetry and music industries.

Strange Word Thoughts

Here are some useful definitions:

• Charity: an itty-bitty chair
• Underwhere?: lost underpants
• Relationship: A boatload of your relatives

Why is the plural of attorney attorneys and not attornies? Is it the fault of that ‘e’ before the ‘y’? In that case, get rid of it. From now on, it’s attorny and attornies. Of course, if you want to save money, you can call your atorny a-torn-knee, in which case your torn knee can act as its own legal representative in suing for compensation.

Fun With Alternate Spellings

Spelling rules in English are so inconsistent, that you can be forgiven mistakes. Here are some understandable mistakes that may cause social awkwardness:

Fallacy means a false belief. If you try spelling it phallicy, you would have a false penis.

Unesasaree leterz

The Ministree uf Unesesaree Leterz haz ishued the folowing proklamashon:

“The leterz C, Q, and X ar on temporaree hi-atus, during wich time new and yooneeke sownds will be konseeved uv and asined to them. In the interim, pleez yooz fonetik spelingz to eckspres the sownds redundantlee asoseated with theez leterz, i.e., “kween,” “zilofone,” and “kukumber.”

My New List of Silly Definitions

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Take this, humanity:

Exit: Something that formerly was it, is now an ex-it.

Pandemic: A widespread disease affecting pandas.

Category: A gory horror movie about cats.

Penalize: To turn something into a penis.

Testes: Small tests, or quizzes.

New Technology Words

1. p-mail: When I take my dog out in the morning, he sniffs from tree to tree to check his p-mail.
2. iPatch: The duct tape you use to patch up your cracked iPod case

Better Definitions for Words

I present to you improved definitions for the following words and phrases:

De-escalation

What people think it means: taking measures to reduce tension in a conflict

What it really means: taking the down escalator at the mall