Neo-Definitions… just because

Tired of words and their stuffy old meanings? Now you can use the same words… differently! (Plus I threw a few made up words in there.)

Request: When you go on a quest… again

Pandemic: Too many pans

Transmute: A transgender person with laryngitis

Essential Workers: People forced to work and die to make more money for the elite rulers of the Greedocracy

New Words for Old

Slight misspellings can create a new world of words. It’s like the genetic mutations that make evolution possible. So, here’s to the evolution of the language:

• Independance: A solo dance
• Burgerlar: A hamburger thief

NEWORDS!

It’s always more exciting when you use all caps and an exclamation point in your blog post titles. But it’s not just graphic hyperbole – this post is SUPER EXCITING because I am introducing some important new words that you will want to shout from the rooftops (assuming you’re not living in a country where they shoot you for that, which is harder & harder to find).

1. Practickling: to practice tickling

The Wild Wilderness of Words

profound: Something that has been professionally found.

Be the First to Use these Fresh, New Words!

Here are some new words. Many of them come from my 11 and 13 year old children:

A new term of endearment for you to use: Dear + Darling = Dearling

Funcle: a fun uncle (not to be confused with funkle, a funky uncle)

Recyclopedia: an encyclopedia of reused words (or, as my daughter says, an encyclopedia of homophones)

Docktour: a tour of a dock, of course. I guess a Doctour would be a tour of a hospital staff

Insanitize: To make insanely clean

Latest Releases from the Department of New Definitions

1. Retire: Replacing worn tires
2. Accidental: Mistake made by a dentist
3. Dishonest: An innovative way to stack dishes (pronounced “dish-o-nest”)
4. Prompromiscuity: Promiscuity at the prom
5. Promising: A group singalong at the prom
6. Promissing: A lost prom
7. Category: Describes a gory movie about zombie cats
8. Forgetting: In favor of getting something (“I’m all forgetting cheeseburgers!”)
9. Bandaid: from Danté: “A bandaid all hope ye who enter here with a boo-boo.”
10. Explain: Formerly plain… now fancy!

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And here, now, are some Wordiferous Wanderings….

Why IBM Can Never Be Taken Seriously

What’s up with corporate names? Are they taunting us with their inappropriateness? If you don’t believe there’s a conspiracy to humiliate themselves or to test our ability to notice bizarre word choices, please consider the following:

• IBM – Oh really? You BM? Do I have to know how proud you are about your Bowel Movements?

Two Random Acts of Language Cruelty

Now for a few definitions:

• Dogmatic: An automatic response from a dog, such as wagging the tail when you say, “treat”.
• Catalog: The cat’s favorite scratching post.
• Caravan: A car dressed up to look like a van.
• Example: Formerly ample, now not enough.
• Fungus: Uncle Gus… he is so much fun.
• Carbon: “good car” in French. Odd, since cars produce carbon and carbon is so bad for the environment. Somebody should tell the French.

and here is a poem…

He drinks chai tea at Tai Chi

The clever lad is leather clad

Wearing steel, he grabs the steering wheel

And at a fierce pace, with a pierced face

He drives his llama, alive with drama

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Click for more fun with the word tea:

My New List of Silly Definitions

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Take this, humanity:

Exit: Something that formerly was it, is now an ex-it.

Pandemic: A widespread disease affecting pandas.

Category: A gory horror movie about cats.

Penalize: To turn something into a penis.

Testes: Small tests, or quizzes.