The Prettiest Poems Ever Penned on the Planet+ The World’s Wisest Words of Wisdom

July 24, 2020

I broke on the rocks

When your talons

Gouged out my eyes

I held fast to your tail

As you soared up high over the rocks

With one flick you released me

I broke into seven pieces on the rocks

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I’m Against It, pandemic edition

May 7, 2020

“I’m Against it” by the #Ramones, with updated lyrics:

Well I’m against it
I’m against it
Well I’m against it
I’m against it

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Names for Annoying College A cappella Bands

October 29, 2019

karaoke fun

Time to get back to my roots here at Daisybrain. Here’s a blog consisting entirely of bad puns.

Bad names for annoying college a cappella bands:

  • The Note-Takers
  • The Vocal Chords

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How to Reach Enlightenment in 10 Easy Steps

October 27, 2019

iur

Step One: Do not bother reading a 10-step method for reaching enlightenment.

Step Two: Are you still there? You must be really stupid. Or really bored. Or both.

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Rejected Rock Lyrics

September 25, 2018

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When musicians release promotional demo tracks, they often contain first draft lyrics that are later finessed into the final versions released to the public. For example, Eddy Cochran’s “C’mon Everybody” was originally recorded with “Let’s get together” as the repeated chorus. Compare the final and original original drafts of the following staples of the American popular music cannon:

Sometimes the differences are subtle, as in the Supremes 1966 classic hit “You can’t hurry love.”

Final lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
But it’s a game of give and take”

Original Lyrics:

My mama said, “you can’t hurry love
No, you’ll just have to wait”
She said, “love don’t come easy
You’ll just have to masturbate”

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I am not Chuwar

September 14, 2014

Today, I received this very moving message from “lindoss” in the comments section of my post, Latest Scam Emails:

Hello baby, are ok? sorry I am a fried because I sow man message that you sand for the man boys like me, and I am not Chuwar that it’s the thru. sine January your area sending the same massage for the man people way? kiss but I love your so much wen a sow your beautiful picture that you sand me. I hope that you will make me street about that. kiss kiss kiss until the and.

I am deeply sorry that lindoss is a fried man boy, but at least he’s not Chuwar. I detest Chuwar. I promise to make a street about that for you, lindoss.

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T to the M: Marketing Transcendental Meditation to a Younger Demographic

June 24, 2014

I’ve been thinking about how Transcendential Meditation could be marketed to Gen-Whatever. It might look something like this:

 


Yo! Lace up, brah!

This is NOT your mother’s Transcendental Meditation!

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My Condition

March 13, 2014

My doctor has diagnosed me with clinical laziness, which explains a lot of my problems with procrastination. Now, you may think that laziness is a joke, like “restless leg syndrome,” or “diabetes”. But clinical laziness a very real condition that affects millions of people, robbing the world of billions of hours of productivity each and every day.

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iSanity

January 13, 2014

Do you suffer From Having a Phone?

How any times has this happened to you? You’re phone rings. Annoying isn’t it? Especially if there’s someone wanting to talk to you through it.

You may be one of the billions of people with phones. But now there’s hope. Sanity can be restored to your life, with iSanity – a box to drop your phone into.

phoneandbox

For another Daisybrain fake commercial, click this fabulous flower:

dasy


Amazed by Stephen Colbert

November 15, 2013

 stephen22

I am amazed by the success of Stephen Colbert. I never would have thought that people would “get” political parody. This impression was born of experience. Maybe that’s because the victims, er, audience, of my political satire were generally less self-selecting than people who tune in to a show on Comedy Central.

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