Epiphyte

Hi. My role models are epiphytes. You know, those plants that grow without soil. They just absorb sunlight, moisture from the air and they don’t really bother anybody. They give us oxygen. And they hurt no one.

I Kan’t SEE a Thing

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

Read this and You Can Pretend You are in My Brain

Here are some recent thinks:

• A name for a company that cleans up mildew: Mildon’t
• I just saw “free range eggs” on the menu of this diner. Why would anyone put eggs in cages in the first place?

Not to Mention…

So Gay:

Here is one of my fantasy speeches to the student body of the middle school where I work:

“Mr. Benson has been very hurt by your use if the word ‘Christian’ as an insult. I hear you all the time, saying, ‘That class is so Christian, I hate it!’ and ‘Your back pack is totally Christian – it looks stupid.’ How do you think that makes Mr. Benson, who is a Christian, feel? Oh wait – you don’t use Christian as an insult, do you? That’s right, you use the words ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’ as insults. My mistake.”

Some Thoughts in My Daisy Brain

A good name for a dog: Dogma

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It bugs me when I hear people on the radio precede some term they’ve coined with the phrase, “what I call…” or “what I like to call…”. I hear them all the time in interviews: “Well, Jenna, the economy has contracted into what I call a ‘contracto-sphere.'” They should just say what they want to say, instead of pretending that they are such experts that they had to invent a language to convey their brilliance. It seems arrogant, or what I like to call “aero-giant”.