How to Make Life Better with Words

July 29, 2014
  • Whenever I’m lonely, I take my carpet, add a space and I have a car pet that I take with me on road trips.

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Wordly-Words

July 19, 2014

July & July 

Why is the month of July (Jü-l) pronounced differently that the given name, July (Jü-l)? The reason these two heterographs (words with different meanings and sounds that are spelled the same) confuse me is that they both come from Julius Ceasar. In fact, the given name comes from the month, just like the name “April” comes from a month. Back in Ceasar’s day, there wasn’t a letter  “j” available, so his name began with the common Latin combination of the letters and u. Although the letter j is said to have come about as an with an added flourish, it’s interesting that it looks like a combination of i and u. But none of that answers the question of why the name “July” is pronounced differently than the month “July”. The month of July was originally spelled “Julie,” but I don’t know if that was pronounced, at the time, the same as the name “Julie”.  This all points to a larger question: Why would anyone outside of my own brain care? Since I can’t think of an answer for that either, I’d best move on.

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Before I Have My Wisdom Teeth Removed….

June 21, 2014

I have finally given in to the dental industry and agreed to let them remove my wisdom teeth. I thought I’d better record any wisdom here beforeI lose it all with my teeth.

  • This body isn’t mine. I’m borrowing it from the Earth.

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Stray Thoughts

June 10, 2014
Twin trees on the sand at Kings Beach, Tahoe Vista, California

Twin trees on the sand at Kings Beach, Tahoe Vista, California

 

Twin Trees

You know those double trees that you see now and then? The twins that apparently grew from a single seed but immediately differentiated into what appear to be two independent trees? They are great examples of the dichotomy between individual and group life. We are all like those trees. In fact we are those trees. All life on Earth is composed of living cells, sometimes specialized to function with others in a larger organism. Everything that makes us up – all the matter and energy – is recycled from other living beings and exchanged with others all the time. We are like the cells that make up our bodies, part of a larger life system we may not pay conscious attention to. Our brains have developed egos that can get in the way of understanding that we are not isolated; we are parts of a whole.

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New Words for Old

May 27, 2014

Slight misspellings can create a new world of words. It’s like the genetic mutations that make evolution possible. So, here’s to the evolution of the language:

  • Independance: A solo dance
  • Burgerlar: A hamburger thief

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Like, Share, Follow, Repost, Reblog, Retweet & Love Me! (I don’t sound desperate, do I?)

April 3, 2014

How to change numbers:

  • Take all the fours in the world, put them all together, and you have a meta-4.
  • Pulverize a pound of eights and you have pile of particuleights.
  • Seven and eleven are odd numbers, yet they are made mostly of even (seven and eleven). Take the evens out and replace them with the more fitting odd, and you have sodd and elodd. Please use these versions from now on. Thank you.
  • “Nine” sounds exactly like the German word for “no”. This is far too negative for a positive number. From now on, let’s leave off the e, and call it “nin“. It will also help to immortalize the band Nine Inch Nails (NIN), which will, in turn, help us to remember that it stands for 9. Of course, the band will have to drop the e as well. This will make them Nin Inch Nails, and they can get rid of the superfluous part and finally just be Nin.
  • From millipede to millennium, the prefix mill- means thousand. Yet, we use it to denote a number 1,000 times greater than 1,000. From now on, we will be calling this number: 1,000 “one million.” Please adjust your math homework and test answers accordingly.

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Stew’s Last name is Pidd.

March 20, 2014

“What would he want, Woody?” asked Owen.

“He would want to call in Collin,” answered Woody.

“Would he, Woody? Would he, really, Woody? Would he?”

“When will you stop, Owen? Oh when, Owen?” pleaded Woody.

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Brand New Words for the Mid-2000-Teens

March 6, 2014

social_media

Twitterror: A mistake on Twitter, like a post over 140 characters that gets cut off mid-sentence. (I twitterred, and now I look like an idiotwit.)

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Seemingly Random Facts

March 4, 2014

nestlemonsterthumbnailFact #1: Au Bon Pain is owned by Nestle.

Fact #2: “Nestle in malls” rearranges to spell *Mental Illness*

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Pro Blog

February 11, 2014
This post needed a picture of some kind.

This post needed a picture of some kind.

Now time to procrastinate by writing a blog post. Remember, it’s not just some amateur crastination – it’s a pro. That’s why I am obligated to do it. You gotta listen to the pros – protractors (much better for farming than amateur tractors), procreation (God was an amateur creator; I look for creations made by pros), programmers (English teachers are pro grammars), proteins (amateur teens just don’t know how to rebel), prostitutes (clearly better than substitutes) and proverbs (regular verbs are boring).

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