On a Lighter Note…

Here are some things never before said on the internet! I call them Google virgins:

“I left my phlegm there”

“People remember pencils”

“Nobody will eat my toes”

“Strange that the internet knows nothing”

“String is an American treasure”

I Kan’t SEE a Thing

Resently, the SEE key on my MakBook stopped working. This is annoying, but it kould have been worse. As you kan see, a ‘k’ or an ‘s’ is easily substituted, and for more formal kommuniation, I have taken to kopying and pasting the letter SEE. This takes up a bit of time, sine I kan’t just hit Kommand-SEE to kopy.

I Apologize for Whatever

Hello. I haven’t been posting as prolifically and pointlessly as usual. Party, this is because I have been submitting poems and stories to publications and contests, many of which demand that the work has never been published anywhere, even in an obscure personal blog with a devoted readership of my mom.

I feel bad for my imaginary readers. That is why I am treating you to a blog post in progress! That’s right, I have a partially completed blog post which is neither a story nor a poem, and therefore nobody else wants it. So here it is….

My upcoming Alphabet Post!!!

An apple always appreciates anything advertised as “Astronomical!”

Bees basically break beauty basics because bees behave badly.

Can cream cheese cause cancer?

Legendary Heroes: Top 5 Overused English Words of the 21st Century

I hate introductory paragraphs, so let’s get right to the list.

Legendary. This moniker applies to every famous defunct band, dead entertainer or artist. I think people mean “iconic” when they say “legendary.” In any case, Let’s make a rule: From now on, someone has to be remembered 700 years after their death for them to be considered “Legendary.”

Desperately Important New Words and Thoughts from Daisybrain

Unlike some new word sites, you do not have to pay me a royalty every time you use these words. But a tip would be nice.

Flossophy – the philosophy of dental care

Like, Share, Follow, Repost, Reblog, Retweet & Love Me! (I don’t sound desperate, do I?)

How to change numbers:

• Take all the fours in the world, put them all together, and you have a meta-4.
• Pulverize a pound of eights and you have pile of particuleights.
• Seven and eleven are odd numbers, yet they are made mostly of even (seven and eleven). Take the evens out and replace them with the more fitting odd, and you have sodd and elodd. Please use these versions from now on. Thank you.
• “Nine” sounds exactly like the German word for “no”. This is far too negative for a positive number. From now on, let’s leave off the e, and call it “nin“. It will also help to immortalize the band Nine Inch Nails (NIN), which will, in turn, help us to remember that it stands for 9. Of course, the band will have to drop the e as well. This will make them Nin Inch Nails, and they can get rid of the superfluous part and finally just be Nin.
• From millipede to millennium, the prefix mill- means thousand. Yet, we use it to denote a number 1,000 times greater than 1,000. From now on, we will be calling this number: 1,000 “one million.” Please adjust your math homework and test answers accordingly.

What’s the Difference?

Welcome to another episode of…

Today: Disambiguating confusing words.

I have compiled a list of words that you may have heard from time to time, even used when feeling brave, but whose meanings are a bit obscure to most people. Well, it’s finally time to get a handle on these often misunderstood members of the lexicon.

1. Bemused vs. Amused

Bemused should not be confused with amused. In fact, you may be amused to hear that bemused means confused. Think of it as befuddled fused with confused. Are you sufficiently bemused yet?

Wordup, Digitons!

Here are some disjointed word thoughts for you to ponder… or not.

• Don’t you have to lax before you can relax?

Word is a Funny

Blog posts need pictures. Here’s one:

Picture

Funny is a word, and by the Commutative Law, word is a funny. Here are some ways that word is a funny:

Improved Words!

The results of the Great (Daisy) Brain Experiment (see previous two posts) are in. No brilliant post topics came to mind. And so, I bring you a post largely written before the experiment but held off for publication in case my brain suddenly produced something more profound, which it didn’t. So, here it is….

Words are a little slow in keeping up with the culture. I’m here to help them along….

Lackadaisical should be “Slackadaisical”.

Enemy should be “Unfriend”.

Election should be “Purchection” (Purchase + Election).