Here are Some Further Assaults on the English Language

Copyright 2013 by Daisybrain Media

Here are some Redefinitions:

A rest stop: When the police pull you over to arrest you

Ironic: Having qualities of iron. Example: “Iron Man is ironic.”

Idiosyncratic: Synchronized idiocy. Example: Fox News

Popsicle: The repetitive cycle of  popular music played on radio stations

Disembowel: To make a bowel movement

Here are some suggestions for bad corporate slogans:

  • A funeral parlor: “We put the fun in funeral!”
  • A yoga self-defense school: “Namasté Away From Me!”
  • A cancer treatment center: “There is no can’t in cancer!”

Here are some ideas for business names:

A mug shop: Muggles

A pet groomer: Hair of the Dog

A barber Shop: Better Buzziness Bureau

A carpet store: Flooral Arrangements

Here is a terrible joke that I am foisting upon the world:

Some fathers tried to start a group like Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), but it just turned out to be a passing FADD.

Here is a short, yet annoying, story:

Noah’s daughter wrote a letter to Miss Terry. The letter let her come to the party. Noah bet her that a better letter would get her to the party.

Terry had a magic dresser, and you must address her dresser, which Justin did, saying, “Dress her, dresser,” and she was dressed in a dress. Justin said, “Don’t tarry, Terry,” and she made it to the party with Justin, just in time.

“Who are you?” asked Woody at the party.

“I’m Miss Terry, friend of Noah’s daughter.”

“I know a Noah,” said Woody. He didn’t tell me about you.

“But why would he, Woody?” asked Mister E.

“It’s a mystery,” said Miss Terry to Mister E.

Meanwhile, Daniel yelled, “Collin, call in sick. You can’t show up tardy to the party, missing part of the start of the party!”

Collin didn’t call in; he took part in the party. It was a fair affair. When he departed the party, Collin was content that the content was pleasingly pleasant, especially Terry’s majestical, magical, smock which smacked of smart smocking with trimly trimmed trim, leaving him haplessly happy with the happening.

For adventures at the Show King’s shocking schlocky schloss that predates the preceding parable, escape through this flower:

dasy

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