• Consider the difference a comma can make:
The classic Christmas song, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,”
vs. the cannibal song, “Chest, nuts, roasting on an open fire.”
• Here’s something you hear from kids in the 21st century that you never used to hear:
“Just let me finish this level.”
• Someone should invent fake vegetarian products for meat eaters who miss being vegetarians. For instance, there should be a fake tofu made from pork. Or a fake fake hotdog – we already have “Smart Dogs,” which look and act pretty much like hot dogs. We could have “Dumb dogs,” which look & taste like fake hot dogs but actually are made of real hotdogs with bean curd flavoring added. Or, fake fake bacon made from real bacon but disguised to look like artificial bacon. The possibilities are as endless as they are pointless.
• Tired of English? Or, at least, tired of annoying expressions in English like, Baby Bump, Man Cave, and The New Normal? You’re not alone. Lake Superior State University is on a mission to banish annoying words & expressions. You can even suggest your own on their Facebook page. My number one word to banish: “absolutely,” when a simple “yes” would do.
• Here are some interesting palindromes involving dogs, poop & God:
Dog lived as a devil god.
Dog, no poop on God!
Lap poop, pal!
• Why is it that the more expensive a hotel is, the more they charge for stuff that cheap hotels give away for free, like internet service and breakfast? Are you paying more in order to pay more?
• And finally, a lot has been made of the internet joke by which presidential candidate Rick Santorum‘s last name has been defined as a repugnant substance involving discharge from the hinder regions. I thought that this was unfair to Mr. Santorum, so I decided to write a note to Rick expressing my condolences. I figured that he wouldn’t mind if I started the note by rearranging the letters in “Santorum” to spell To Mr. Anus. Of course, I then had to express further condolences for the fact that his name spells “To Mr. Anus,” which must be upsetting in light of the internet definition of his name. I’m sure that after the election his ass will be quickly forgotten.