Emergency Blog Post!

The Internet is Broken! Here’s proof:

• “I don’t care about pandas” receives 21,300 results on Google, whereas “I care about pandas” receives five. That’s right, 5!!!!!

• Yes, “I don’t care about kittens only gets 10 results,” but “I care about kittens” gets just six! Don’t believe me? Check it out – use quotation marks to be sure you’re getting results for the complete phrase. By now, this page may have been added to the total, so maybe the total is up to seven.
• Just to be sure that it wasn’t just the way I phrased it, I tried sticking the word ‘do’ in there, as in “I do care about kittens.” The result? Two. Two posts in 27 trillion or so include the phrase “I do care about kittens.”

So, how do we explain the glut of kitten and panda videos saturating the internet? Obviously, the internet’s marketing department is behind the times. Because if they were paying attention, they’d be making more videos about snakes (“I care about snakes” = 9,600 results; worms (“I care about worms = 3,840 results); rocks (“I care about rocks” = 7,350 results; and ping pong (“I carte about ping pong = 1,360 results).

So get on it, Internet. Obviously people are tired of cute things online. Although thanks to hipster wannabes and hipster wannabe wannabes, bacon is still going strong online, with “I care about bacon” getting 10,200 hits.

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Daisies take you places: