New Political Jargon

When politics gets boring, it’s time to come up with new political jargon. Here are my suggestions:

Politics

from poly (multiple) + tics (involuntary twitches); the spasms that people exhibit when their actions conflict with their values

Talibanter

the light banter that Taliban fighters engage in on their off time

Hilarious

when Secretary of State Clinton makes a joke to a foreign diplomat that is lost in translation

Demockery

the special style of democracy evidenced by recent Afghan elections

Obamanation

a fundamentalist term for a politician who defies God’s will by ensuring that more people have health insurance

Diplomacy

an American term for pre-invasion rhetoric

The United Mistakes of America

U.S. foreign policy post-WWII

Terrorism

a crime committed by persons whose politics the government doesn’t like

Insurgents

resistance fighters opposed to U.S. occupation

Freedom Fighters

resistance fighters opposed to Russian (or Soviet) occupation

Capitalism

expressing one’s fear of public disclosure by using all caps in a memo

Governmeant

what the government actually meant to do, before it decided there were no funds available

Lobbyist

a person who hangs out in a lobby (What’s the big deal?)

Star Chamber of Commerce

when the Chamber of Commerce holds secret trials for dissident companies like Apple Computers

Freedumb

the luxury of ignorance

Pussy is in trouble!

I had vowed to myself not to write any more posts with the word “pussy” in the title. But events have conspired against such restraint. Our definition of pussy on urbandictionary.com is getting thumbs down votes! Someone is going in there and repeatedly voting against our pussy!

For those not yet in-the-know, we here at Daisybrain have launched a planet-wide campaign to redefine pussy in positive terms. Our definition, currently #11 (out of 122), reads:

Pussy

Cool or awesome; exciting and new

Example: “That band’s totally pussy, dude! They rock!”

Many of you have spent the last several weeks repeatedly visiting urbandictionary.com and voting us up & up (you can vote about once every 8 hours). Of course, your vote is doubly effective if you vote the vile, misogynistic  definitions down, and we have been very effective in that endeavor. So it should come as no surprise that anti-pussy forces are fighting back. At the time of this writing, there were 11 thumbs down votes for our pussy. While that may not sound like a lot, that number was 10 when I got up this morning, and before the Thanksgiving break it was, I don’t know, 2 or so. So someone doesn’t like our pussy.

If you would like to help reinvigorate the pro-pussy campaign, please visit urbandictionary.com and vote our definition thumbs up. While you’re at it, I discovered this other awesome definition for pussy that I have rescued from way down near the bottom of the list. With repeated visits, I’ve brought it up to #26:

Pussy

1. n-all parts between a woman’s legs, except the anus, every one of them good and sweet
2. n-courage, strength, fortitude
3. v-to demonstrate courage, strength, fortitude

Examples:

1. I’ve got no use for a lover who doesn’t eat pussy.
2. That’s the strongest woman I’ve ever known–she’s got some serious pussy.
3. Boy, quit your whining and pussy up.

I had overlooked it at first because it starts out very similar to all the definitions on the site that are variations of “Pussy – that good thing that God gave man for liking pussy good for a lot.” But then I read on to see that this definition of pussy nicely reverses the original derogatory slang meaning. So vote on!

The Pussy Wars are upon us!

My conversation with Comcast

This is a transcript of my very time consuming web chat with a Comcast technical support person that mercifully just finished 30 seconds ago. This was the fourth chat I’ve had with Comcast today, trying, in vain, to get my personal web page working.

Problem : All I want is for you to please send me the URL that will take me, once I am logged in, to the edit page for my Personal Web Pages. Thank you.

Eric > All I want is for you to please send me the URL that will take me, once I am logged in, to the edit page for my Personal Web Pages. Thank you.
Welmel > Hello Eric_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Welmel. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Welmel > I can certainly relate to your needs and to have you in this chat is as good as fulfilling my own. I am committed in wanting to provide you with the best customer service experience. You can surely take your worries out. Let me prove my expertise.

Welmel > Do not worry. I will do my best on my end to help you resolve the issue that you are experiencing right now.

Welmel > But first, before we could proceed, to ensure the integrity of your account information could I please have your account number and may I also have the last 4 numbers of your SSN.

Welmel > While waiting, please allow me to take this opportunity to share with you one of the main features that you can get with Comcast which is our online site, Fancast.com. It offers full television episodes, full-length feature films, trailers and video clips to both Comcast subscribers and non-subscribers.If you missed out on your favorite TV shows, you do not need to worry next time.I hope you will enjoy this feature with us!

Eric_ > OK. Last 4 digits of SS # are (xxxx). When you say my account number, are you referring to the number on my bill? Why do you need that? I just want the URL to edit Personal Web pages. Thank you.

Welmel > Yes. Let me check your account first.
Welmel > No worries.
Welmel > Thank you.

Eric_ > Why? Is something wrong with my account? I can give you my account’s primary name: sylviaspears@comcast.net . I am asking a generic question, though. I am not trying to resolve a billing issue.

Welmel > No. This is to notate your account.
Welmel > May you please verify the name on the account?

Eric_ > Eric Spears, Sylvia Spears… one of our names are on the account.

Welmel > That is correct. Thank you so much.

Eric_ > You are very welcome.

Welmel > Are you trying to access your comcast.net email account?

Eric_ > I really don’t need to resolve any issues surrounding my account. I am asking a question regarding the comcast.net website, which I find to be impossibly confusing. I would like to navigate to the page that lets me update my Personal Web Page. It’s a page where I can upload files, etc. I have been there in the past, but can’t seem to find it now in the maze of Comcast.net pages. So, what I would like from you, if you would be so kind, is the URL of that page – not specific to my account – just the general place when a person can go, when logged in, to update their Comcast Personal Web Page. That is all I need. Thank you.

Welmel > Alright. Let me give you the link.

Eric_ > Thank you.

Welmel > Please click on this link, https://login.comcast.net/login?s=portal&ts=840b2b32&continue=http%3A%2F%2Fredir.comcast.net% 2Fredirect%2Fwebmail%3Fr%3D1259020931195%26redirectUrl%3D http%3A%2F%2Fwww.comcast.net%2F

Eric_ > That is one long web address. Unfortunately, the Comcast Chat Window does not allow me to either click on that link, or highlight it to copy it. So, I will have to type all of those 50 or 75 characters into a new web browser by hand. Please bear with me while I do this. It may take a few tries to type it correctly.

Welmel > No. All you have to do is just to click on the link I gave you.

Eric_ > Funny you should say that, since the link is non-clickable. Perhaps this is a browser or platform issue. Maybe the link would be clickable if I were using a Internet Explorer on a PC. But, I am using Safari on a Mac. Perhaps the chat interface was not designed with Macs in mind.

Welmel > Alright. Please go to www.comcast.net.

Eric_ > OK.

Welmel > Thank you.

Eric_ > I’m half-way through typing the URL you sent. Would you like me to stop & go by another route?

Welmel > Yes, please.
Welmel > That will be great.
Welmel > I am sorry for the confusion.

Eric_ > It’s OK.

Welmel > Thank you so much.

Eric_ > Would you like me to log into my email account?

Welmel > Yes, please.

Eric_ > Logged in (long pause)
Eric_ > Shall I go to “My Account”?

Welmel > Alright. Are you now on your account?

Eric_ > yes

Welmel > Yes. That is correct.

Eric_ > OK, what next please?

Welmel > There will be an option for you to edit your account.

Eric_ > I am on a page that says, “Manage My Account”

Welmel > Yes. There will be options for you to edit your account.

Eric_ > Well, it allows me to View/Change Personal Information, Change User Name, Change Password & Modify email contact preferences.
Eric_ > I can also Create a 2nd User

Welmel > Yes, please choose View/Change Personal Information.

Eric_ > I do not see any link to Personal Web Page management
Eric_ > OK. It opens a screen that lets me change the name on the account.

Welmel > Yes, please.

Eric_ > I’m sorry, I don’t understand what it is you would like me to change on this page.

Welmel > Are you trying to change your comcast.net email account web page?

Eric_ > I am trying to change my web page, yes. For instance, if I want to change some text that appears on my web page, I have to get to some location that will let me type in the new text.
Eric_ > I just now finally finished typing in that long URL you sent me a while back, but it just took me to the comcast home page (www.comcast.net). Is that what you had intended?

Welmel > They are the same, Eric.

Eric_ > You seem like a very nice person, but am I right that you really don’t understand my question, or how to help me?

Welmel > I am sorry to know that.

Eric_ > Well, thank you for your efforts, and your time. I’ll try again another time to solve this problem.

Welmel > But the only option for you to change your personal web page is on your comcast.net email account.
Welmel > My apologies.

Eric_ > It’s alright. Have a good night.

Welmel > Thank you for the understanding.
Welmel > Thank you so much,
Welmel > Have a good one now!
Welmel > Thank you for choosing Comcast and it is my honor to assist you today. Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. If you need further assistance, you can chat back 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Eric_ > Take care, Goodbye.

Academic Papers!

As if my posts weren’t brainy & awkwardly academic sounding to begin with, now you have the opportunity to read my writing at its formal & stilted best! I have added a new box to the right of my posts, entitled, “Academic Peace Papers”. As the name suggests, much of my academic life has been focused on peace and nonviolence. I will periodically add more of my papers to this collection.

Among the papers now available is my Master’s Thesis! This project included a video companion piece, which I promise to someday upload. I find it interesting that there is an inverse relationship between how much effort it takes for me to write something and how many people read it. So, a post that took 20 minutes to write may be read by hundreds of people, whereas a thesis paper that I labored on for months might be read by a total of three people, including myself. To rectify the situation, I hereby invite the entire world to click on & read my thesis.

So, read on, let me know what you think, and tune in soon for more additions to the Academic Peace Papers box.

- Eric

Insignificant Post

Here is a post of leftover thoughts that don’t fit into any of the carefully crafted posts I spend so much time writing. Why should you read this? I don’t know. Perhaps you shouldn’t. But if you find this particular post to be pointless, please come back in a day or two because I am gearing up for my ultimate post, the one post that defines me and gives my existence meaning. It will be witty, of course, but also poignant, original, creative, and maybe a bit sexy. It will be quoted by other bloggers. Excerpts will be read at my funeral, which is odd because I will still be alive.

Better Definitions for Words

I present to you improved definitions for the following words and phrases:

De-escalation

What people think it means: taking measures to reduce tension in a conflict

What it really means: taking the down escalator at the mall

Six More Mind Boggling Suggestions!

Previously, I posted some suggestions to better the world. I’ve noticed that the post, titled, “Suggestions,” wasn’t getting many hits. Maybe it seemed too polite. Perhaps I should have called it, “Demands!” But for now, I have re-named it, “Mind Boggling Suggestions to Improve the World.”

I therefore have named this list, which your computer screen holds in its hands:

1. Euthanize should mean to make younger, not to kill (and it should be spelled “youthanize”).

Flaws in Your “Reality”

Do you ever look out at the world and think, “How could it be that any effectively generated formal theory in which all arithmetic truths can be proved is inconsistent”? Or, “That is one hokey looking tree; no way that is real…. They could have put a little more time into that one, jeesh!”

I call that that questionable reality realiquanto, a combination of “reality” and “aliquanto,” which is latin for “somewhat.”

A lot of what we see we take for granted without having the slightest idea of how it works. The rest of what we see we take for granted believing that we understand it, when in realiquanto we have only a rudimentary understanding of its true nature.

I have the following questions about the universe. Feel free to enlighten me with your rudimentary explanations:

Pussy Voted #24*!

The results of the pussy campaign are in!

Thanks to the hard work of readers of this blog, in just six days, the following definition of pussy was voted #24* out of 121 definitions of pussy in urbandictionary.com:

Pussy

Cool or awesome; exciting and new

“That band’s totally pussy, dude! They rock!”

Same-Sex Marriage: The Maine Event

The Nov. 3rd Maine referendum to repeal same-sex marriage drove home a shortcoming of majority-rule democracy, that the majority cannot be counted on to uphold the rights of the minority. However, the Civil Rights Era model for change presents its own problems. In the 1950s and ’60s, direct action was used to dramatize injustices and to rouse the consciences of potential White allies in power. Morality was imposed legally from above, not voted upon by a White majority. Relying on a sympathetic cultural elite to set the rules is problematic. It only seems palatable when we happen to agree with the ruling class’s sense of morality.